Maybe this is what's affecting me

HI folks,
I've just been mailing someone some of these words about my work and thought it would be a good idea to blast all this out of my system. I wondering if this is the reason I've been feeling a bit down lately. You may recall in my last blog that I'm thinking about a change of job. Here is part of what I've just written to a friend: -

"It has been quite a struggle recently. This has mainly been because of staff shortage. At least I and my colleagues feel this is so. The problem is bureaucracy involved with generating the revenue required to run a project such as ours. The main source comes from housing benefit via local government, but the paperwork involved is dreadful with constant queries and shutting down of claims. One of the reasons its so strict is because of the ammount of fraud in this country regarding benefit claims. The result of all this is an unfortunate lack of support finantially for us to be as effective as we would like to be. This coupled with disruptive behaviour and damage (this week, a broken window and damaged wall) all add to the problems. Lack of staff, resources and suitable equipment to prevent these occurances just compounds the issue."

Added to this, I feel that since I've done this job, perhaps the following explanation kinda comes to mind. In many ways, things were far more disruptive when we first started. I wonder if its like having a "full bottle of cope" that gradually drips away over time. Yes, there are times when we get a break and recharge batteries and ethusiasm, but the bottle doesn't get refilled. Maybe the analogy is like a car the one keeps refuelled by forgets to top up essentials like oil and water. Eventually these run down and performance drops.
I think maybe I'm lacking "oil" and "water" check and need a service (which reminds me thats what my real car needs too!). So...... perhaps its time to change the car (replace with change the job). Maybe I need to change job and direction. I've learned from experience that sticking it out through thick and thin is not always the right thing to do. Last time I did that I had a breakdown.
I still want to work with young folk, but its time to do this in a different setting.

Hmmmm..... who knows, maybe in a day or 2 or perhaps tommorow I'll feel differently. Maybe I'll look back at this blog and think "What was all that about Mart?"

I start back on counselling level 2 at college on Tuesday afternoon, so perhaps that will help. Long term I think maybe thats where I'll concentrate my efforts.

Todays shift has been a struggle. Very quiet, but my motivation has gone out the window for the time being.

Thanks for listening.... *sigh*

Comments

(14 total)

hope you don't mind me butting in, just blog wandering, i like your description of a 'full bottle of cope', that makes so much sense to me. Some days I have what i call an 'i can't cope', sometimes it's over in minutes, sometimes it may be a whole day, but at some point, 'the bottle of cope' inside me seems to get topped up again and off i go. I hope you find your top up soon.

Monday 11 September 2006 - 12:25AM (BST)

I was told a long time ago Marty, that with every negative thing there are 10 poistive things, if one just takes the time to look for them.. sometimes it is easier for us to look at all the negativity in our lives, world, surroundings, then it is to look for the positive.. Just a thought.. But I am glad to hear that if you do make a job change it will still be to the benefit of the youth! You are a great man.. and whatever you do, I am sure you will continue to be great!

Sunday 10 September 2006 - 08:48PM (CDT)

Marty matey your "bottle of cope" sounds like my depression was once described to me by a nurse, apparently we have an element (dont remember what it was called) a chemical inside of us which helps combat lows, this chemical can start to run out over time with stress and depression etc, although in better times it replenishes, problem is (as apparently was my case) if this depression goes on for too long this chemical can be used up and you just plummet. I was told that one of the things my medication does is replace this chemical artificially, so theres your "bottle full of cope". Hope you start feeling better soon my friend.

Monday 11 September 2006 - 06:09AM (BST)

i'm hearing you.

Monday 11 September 2006 - 11:42AM (IST)

WOW Marty, I can so relate to this today! all I can say is "ditto"!!
Hope the sun shines on your day soon! Take care and I'm praying for you, Brother!!

Sunday 10 September 2006 - 11:23PM (PDT)

There are times when we just don't feel good about anything. The first snub of that depression is usually a dig at our job..cause it is something u can do away with.

I suggest u have a goodnight's sleep & reanalyse the situation as to what exactly is bothering u. If it indeed is the job...may the system needs some oiling. Discuss with yr collegues & see if there is any way of improving the work culture...a little humour at the work place always helps.
About the change of job...should be the very last option as there is no guarantee the new one could be any better.
It is better to be at a sick job rather than being sick about not having any in hand....

Good luck....

Monday 11 September 2006 - 02:06PM (IST)

Hello lovely, well I just love your visual image - VERY gestalt and creative! And I can hear how frustrated you are in your work. FUnding! Now that is an area I will be tackling in my new post - HEAD ON! Guess I will be facing frustration too. Glad that you were able to put down in words how things are for you right now, in the end you are the one who will know what is best for you - you are in charge of your body and it will tell you what it best wants - so listen well..having been through the experiencs you already have - there is a limit to how much more we can take...take care..
hugs steph

Monday 11 September 2006 - 10:59AM (BST)

Thanks for sharing.
Sometimes when I feel like you describe I go off an do something completely different in my own time then come back and try to think about the big picture which is niddling at me.
I often then find I'm not doing something to look after myself (and perhaps my inner child) and when I do take steps to correct that answers seem to appear everywhere else.
I'd suggest doing something you used to enjoy that you haven't done in a while... if nothing else it will take your mind to a happy place for a bit and perhaps give you a reprieve.

Monday 11 September 2006 - 12:40PM (BST)

Y'know,mate,our job can be a real mixed bag. In my five years I've had every emotion known to man drag me this way, that way and back round again. What we do is never black or white, always somewhere in the middle. Then there are the idiots who sit behind desks and make the rules, the do gooders out there who've never experienced a horrific shift, passing their judgemental comments, the government with all their papers here, their and everywhere. I hear you, my friend, loud and clear. I also know you will give a lot of thought to it. Goodluck, whichever way you sway, and always keep the Faith:)

Monday 11 September 2006 - 08:39AM (PDT)

Hi Marty, I thought I may not have access to a computer but I have!!

I appreciate your sharing how you feel, that is what helps others too. I tend to be a bit didatic rather than relational so I am here to learn also. You know what comes to mind when reading your entry was 'Divine Discontent' sometimes these feelings and urges to move on are exactly that. God is wanting to move you on, a job well done, a lesson learned, people you were meant to influence, love and help have been met and ministered to. Maybe it is just time. Of course there is always that monster 'the flesh' that tries to influence us. I am sure you will spend some time seeking God's leading and when you find peace about your decision whatever it may be you will know you are on the right road.

I enjoy your blog, do keep it going.

Monday 11 September 2006 - 10:47AM (PDT)

It is sad that one department or division must take on all the fund raising and poverty in any given community while the general public wishes not to have anything to do with such things as helping drug addicts but rather killing them faster, or that a runaway child is considered naughty, we all tend to turn the other cheek. A bottle of cope should be replaced with a bottle of encouragement and understanding.

How often do we hear when we embark on an impossible journey that we are actually capable of doing the job ? Or when the job is finished, "that it was not good enough"

If we believed in more people, we would have more resources to work with. If we picked up the lost and fallen, and listened to what they need, what they are good at, more would be employed in the job of their dreams...

Sounds to me as if we need to start working on recruiting more help and placing less emphasis on stockmarkets that want to split World Trade Towers and assets !

Monday 11 September 2006 - 01:59PM (EDT)

On another note, I have often seen in smaller communities, the hand picked select few who have the jobs worth any pay, and let me tell you if your new to the community there is no hope of climbing the corporate ladder until that controlling group slips away, by then your ready for retirement and still working at the local diner ?

How do we decide who gets what job done, the strong take the jobs worth any pay and the poor get left behind !

Monday 11 September 2006 - 02:03PM (EDT)

Hey Marty, well I guess they say a change is as good as a rest and if you feel thats what you need to further what you can indeed give in return then all the luck in the world to you. Whatever the outcome of your blow out of all this feeling today I hope you feel better just for getting it off your chest...you know we are all here for you when you need it.
Getting back to college may help to just boost your mind..give you a focus but don't worry if the answers don't seem to come together straight away...you'll find your way Marty. All the best to you my friend.xx

Monday 11 September 2006 - 07:52PM (BST)

Marty,
For the first time, you have given me the shits, you really have. I went to 3 supermarkets, looking for a bottle of cope, and no-ones got it. Where do you get it?Coz just lately, I've really needed it.......................

Tuesday 12 September 2006 - 05:16AM (PDT)