Entry to short story competition

Today has been a tough one for me. A bit of a roller coaster emotionally. There was a misunderstanding this morning at work which I kinda almost got told off for. It was not what I needed today, but my boss was not to know that. Its been one of those days where things have not gone right. I've been extremely intollerant as well today.
Thank you ALL OF YOU, for your supportive comments today. They did lift me this afternoon. I went to pay football with the lads. Here I see the good side in some as they encouraged and praised me for my contribution (believe me, I'm not footballer). It raised my spirits for a while and got the endorphins going.
Coming home tonight I still got that emotional feeling. Its not coming out properly yet. The way things are going, I think I'm being led to possibly move on. Events occur that indicate this. So... if its to be, I'm following that lead... for now as least.

You may have seen me promote the short story comp. for charity. (See my blast for details. The theme this week is 911
Here is my entry.....not sure if it qualifies... I'm not that creative.. I just write how I write...

S.S. Just another day at work...

Lunch time consisted of a trip to Bromley High Street to buy (if I remember correctly) a birthday card for someone in my department at work. Stacey and I had walked up the high street, then elected to get the bus back to the office because time was running short. It was at this point we heard the first snippets of information. “An Aeroplane has crashed into one of the towers of The World Trade Centre” Stacey told me this. She overheard the conversation on the bus. “Crikey, that’s some news” I thought. Maybe it’s a small aircraft.

When we got back to the office, everybody was watching the TV’s dotted around the building. Being a Digital satellite TV station, we had TV on all day in the building displaying our own inimitable broadcast of Jobs and Careers advice, but not this afternoon. Production had switched transmission to world news. Everybody had downed tools and it would remain that way for the rest of the day. Upon reaching my department, there was my first sight of those images that would dominate our TV screens for weeks and even years to come. BBC news reports were sketchy as conflicting information came in (as it did years later during the London Tube Bombings). Talk of possible terrorism was broadcast in that style of the BBC “This could be just speculation”. Then there were live pictures of another aircraft approaching. In somewhat sombre tones, the reporter described this in an almost inquisitive fashion, as if the aircraft had arrived for observation. To see that aircraft crash into the other tower was just unreal. There was no indication of panic from the news reporters. There was just incredulity and silence until the realisation and revelation that now there was no doubt, this was indeed terrorism. Very few people in our building offered an opinion on it all because to do so somehow just seemed crass. In any case, we were all too busy listening. A few of us started surfing the internet for the most up to date news and pictures in that “rubber necking” way that people do when witnessing a road traffic accident. I signed up for breaking news to my email address via “Annanova” and received around 50 emails in the space of an hour. It was just too much to keep up with.

My own feelings that day were a kind of shock, but that of detachment. It was, of course not really affecting me directly. I’m ashamed to say I also felt a degree of excitement as if I’d just been watching a really good movie. It was difficult to comprehend that this was somehow a real event. On the way home I kept looking up to the sky wondering, occasionally hearing an aircraft and wondering if it would be heading for Canary Wharf, but not really believing this would be the case. Thank God I was right.

So have these events changed my life? Well truthfully, and because they (by the grace of God) did not affect me directly I’d say “not very much” (aside of the fact that fuel is more expensive now!). At least that feeling is true on one level. I’ve been more affected by troubled relationships in previous jobs and other revelations in my family, and what happened in my childhood and how it affected me. On another level, I’m more open minded about my views of Government, Propaganda and the media.

As a child I trusted and loved people unconditionally. Then came the hurtful words, the punches and kicks from my peers. The “You’re a mug to give to that person” etc. etc. “That boy is just a dreamer” You’re no good” “You will never do that” You’re not strong enough” You’re not hard enough” You’re not intelligent enough”

So Martin the trusting child grew up into Martin the cynic. Martin the hurt. Martin bitter and twisted. Martin who… yes Martin who hated. Martin of anger. I had a saying in a particular job. “Never trust anyone, EVER!”

As time went by, the sack becomes heavier and the shoulders becomes bruised, that sack burden of cynicism, bitterness and anger. Eventually came the time to let it go and learn to love and trust again.

My hope (albeit somewhat utopian) is that all peoples of all nations learn to release THEIR burden and love and trust again as they may have done as small children.

As far as loving and trusting is concerned for me, well I’m still learning….

Comments

(18 total)

Martin, this post is very powerfully written...I am sorry that your day has been awry, but it doesn't downplay your short story. I find it refreshing to hear your opinions on that day, 11 Sept 2001...there are many that share your views on that day. Most here in America would be too ashamed to admit that they looked onto this TV coverage with enthusiasm of someone watching a thrilling movie...but in many respects, it resembled just that. Thank you for sharing your story with me...I applaud your sincerity. {{HUGGSS}}

Monday 11 September 2006 - 04:16PM (EDT)

Well since I have not checked the link for the short story thingy, I rightly can't say if it qualifies or not either, but as far as everything else, I think it is a grand story, one from the heart and honest. I think that many are made to feel that if 9-11 did not have a tremendous effect on your life, life altering effect, that you are less than an American or less than Patriotic... Yes, the whole tradegy was horrindous, saddening that folks would go to such exteremes, but by shutting down and not moving forward the nation never heals! Bogie has in his blog a very good point, how much longer is the wound going to be left open, the destruction left to be gone unbuilt, the healing not to begin..

Great post oncce again Marty! :)

Monday 11 September 2006 - 03:21PM (CDT)

Sorry you've had a bad day my friend, hope it gets better for you, I dont care if your short story is relevant for the contest or not it is excellent.

Monday 11 September 2006 - 09:52PM (BST)

A brilliant story Marty honest and real and right from your heart as I find all your stories to be. As Lisa pointed out I think so many did share your views that day in the same respect, as it was hard to comprehend that this had actually happened...not many would be so honest as to admit that Marty...bless you for that.

I feel we all are learning to love and trust in the world..even the most trusting of us has their reservations...keeps something back, but then we all need that protection for ourselves do we not without being mistrusting. I hope that makes sense?
I loved the video, a brilliant song to accompany a brilliant post.
My love to you and hugs to comfort you in your emotional struggle...if thats the right word? follow your heart Marty for it will never lead you wrong.x

Monday 11 September 2006 - 10:00PM (BST)

I remember 9\11 only too well, I was at the time arranging a high level conference with my bosses confederates over in the US - trying to talk internationally with secretaries then the news came on and - we were all struck dumb. I still have the picture of the plane crashing into the building - something I will never forget, the whole affair struck me deeply - I have a close friend who was working close to the towers when they came down, he is lucky to be alive and his memories are painful. I visited ground zero 8 months later, what a deeply sad place it was, so many pictures, so many wilting flowers, so many lonely firemens helmets - absolutely pitiful. I couldn't watch much of the programmes that are on TV because its just re-traumatising myself with the same stuff over and over - not for me..

And your own stuff Marty, you carry anger inside you about what people said and did, and there will come a time when you can deal with all that in therapy - for if you are going to be a counsellor - that is the work you have to do. In order to have clients, I think it is necessary to be a client, to understand\work through the process.

take care and hugs and we must have a chat sometime soon.

steph

Monday 11 September 2006 - 10:50PM (BST)

Marty,I understand what you mean by the movie analogy. Planes crashing spectacularly, huge explosions, buildings collasping.....all fare of the Hollywood blockbuster. And I agree many many people (myself included) perceived it in just such a way, because we had no point of reference to them in daily life. However, it was NOT a movie...it really did happen and when I realised this, I understood that the world HAD changed.
To distance ourselves from this event is to diminish the memory of those who died and to say that it has no bearing on us directly is to not understand how much the world has changed since that day.
By ripping the heart from one of the great cities of the world, these fundamentalist fanatics have shown that we can no longer consider ourselves safe in our own little worlds.
Ironically, the utopia you mention did occur for a brief shining moment.......the people of New York came together, became ONE. If only there was some way to generate that feeling of oneness between nations, races, cultures....what a future we would have!!!! But I'm afraid that your vision will remaim just that as long as these fanatics teach their children to hate before they teach them to walk.
Marty, don't take this as an attack on you. I admire your honesty in your writings. In this case, it's just a case of my opinion being different. Take care, mate.

Monday 11 September 2006 - 11:33PM (BST)

Im sorry you had a bad day?? It will get better, day's to come. I love you're HONESTY. Hey, Things happen. Pick up and move on. Live life to the fullest.

Monday 11 September 2006 - 09:32PM (ADT)

wow marty! those sacks sound so damn familiar! of late i've managed to unload many. and belive me, the lighter back work better, nay the lighter back works.
your message of peace to the world is wonderfully woven through the eyes of an individual! each nation is like an individual..and they can do without these sacks..mmm

Tuesday 12 September 2006 - 07:18AM (IST)

I was trying to write a response to this, some elements of what you said here have gone very deep, and after three goes at writing, and deleting...I can't write it. I do hope you are OK and beginning to feel the load lightening for you...

Tuesday 12 September 2006 - 01:29PM (BST)

Marty, I am sorry to hear that you were having a bad day. When you were playing football with the guys and it made you feel better that brought a smile to my face. I like to know that you are smilin and that even when your down there is something to your day that makes you smile or feel happy, even if it's only for a short time. To have little is better than to have none.
Marty, Keep smilin and the world will smile back, always know that I am here smilin for you!
X

Tuesday 12 September 2006 - 01:41PM (BST)

Chin up hunni, every cloud has a silver lining hmmmmm think I'll put something like that in my blast:D It can only get better, and there are some ppl out there that are trustworthy. Love the story!

Tuesday 12 September 2006 - 01:55PM (BST)

Hey, Your text is very fluent and powerful. Seems like a cliché but some days are worse than others. I've had a pretty bad day today too but I know I'll feel better tomorrow. Hug

Tuesday 12 September 2006 - 05:02PM (BST)

Sorry about your bad day. But you are right about things happening that lead you to believe it's time to move on. I used to work in a similar career and things happened there that led me to resign my position as a Social Worker for Child Protective Services. It was the best thing for me and my family., really. And even though it is a financial struggle, I am mentally and physically healthier. I will keep you and your family in prayer. Hugs to you.

Tuesday 12 September 2006 - 11:52AM (PDT)

Martin~Lets try to do this this together>Dont let Anyone steal our joy> I learned that phrase from "Joel Osteen Ministries" and it sticks with me..Im trying hard to take things into account with one eye and be blind in the other but it does take some training i tell ya.
I do love and trust people too soon and yes i do get hurt,but to find great friends,i must take that chance.
I only hope the best for you my dear Marty,I want you to know that.*hugs* :)

Tuesday 12 September 2006 - 12:56PM (PDT)

Fantastic reading Marty, as usual. I love your style of writing, sometimes 'just the way we write' seems to be the best and most creative way! Nice one.

Hope your week picks up mate. Andy.

Tuesday 12 September 2006 - 11:48PM (BST)

I hope for the same.

Thursday 14 September 2006 - 03:21PM (CDT)

Marty, I missed the short story and am glad I came back to it. Powerful post.

Tuesday 19 September 2006 - 02:35PM (EDT)

Excellent, Marty!! And wonderful song by Enya which I also enjoyed very much. Thanks.

Tuesday 19 September 2006 - 05:23PM (PDT