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Marty's "Living life in chapters" A self development blog: Building self confidence

Marty's "Living life in chapters" A self development blog

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Building self confidence

Confidence for me has soured in the past year. It started and continued to build over time.

I believe this has occurred due to an attitude to my life that I adopted. As I think about this now, I reckon that I subconsciously altered some of the "self talk" that was borne out of my childhood experiences.

My mother (bless her soul) always stated that she did not like show offs... arrogant people. I guess this helped me to form some values. I chose to shrink and hide my abilities for fear of being accused of showing off, ultimately being disliked.
It had a negative effect upon me.


Self Confidence vs Arrogance

You see, I think there is a clear difference here. Self confidence is about being comfortable in our own skin and not being too overly concerned about what others think of us. The reverse of this is the self doubt people have that they feel ashamed of, causing them to puff themselves up to something that they are not.
My mis-understanding of what my mother told me caused me to believe that anyone who exuded confidence was a person of arrogance. I now understand this better.

I've spent most of my working life not fully believing in my abilities. Everything I did, I put a ceiling on. When aspects of my life went well, I felt I did not deserve what was happening and worried about the coming "fall". Effectively, I created the fall and it almost always became a reality!

A broken down car.
Failing an exam.
Losing a job through redundancy.
Numerous other examples that I'm choosing right now not to give my energy to!

Almost a year ago, I came up with a proposal at work and suggested it to my line manager. She said to me "DO IT! DO IT RIGHT NOW!"
This greatly enhanced my motivation.
I showed the wording of the email to my line manager and she praised me on how well it was written.
This encouraged me greatly.
A couple of weeks later, I received a positive response to that email. This excited me. When I told my line manager, she got even more excited than me! I was encouraged to make the subsequent phone call and arrange a meeting.
This empowered me.
I got that project up and running and went on to set up other similar projects. Some weeks later, I received a email of praise from none other than the Chief Executive. From that point onward, I have been given freedom to pursue ideas I've had.
I have been trusted.
I always remember the encouraging words of my line manager. "You are going to FLY Marty. Don't put a ceiling on what you can achieve".

This new found confidence has been attractive to others. In virtually all walks of my life, I've had people come up to me and say "Hi Marty. How are you? You are looking fine." Body language and positive energy has attracted many people toward me.

Sounds great doesn't it! Is it as simple as just thinking positively?

I went through a stage of thinking positively about 10 years ago. It worked for a short while, but I was running away from many issues in my life that needed dealing with. I'd built some confidence, but it was brittle and built on weak foundations. It was all too easy for others to knock down.
  1. I had a lack of faith. It's important to establish some core beliefs and values. The confidence of 10 years ago was promoting something I did not really believe in.
  2. I gave too much attention to negativity around me. Some of that was family illness. Now it's not wrong care about those we love. However, the care was out of balance and stealing my positive energy. Balance is the key here.
  3. The painful experiences of my life were not dealt with. Like the balloon ready to burst, I was full of the negative energy of anger and resentment. This needed dealing with appropriately.
It took about a year ago to finally visit the pain of my past in therapy. The time was right and I was prepared to do whatever it took to tidy the mess of emotions inside me. Once I'd done that, the negativity stopped contaminating the rest of my life!

Now, when I sense negativity around me that is generated by the projection of others, I choose to walk away from it.

I've left organizations that I found contaminated me and stole my positive energy.

I'm beginning to look at every possible challenge as an opportunity!

When something good happens, I choose to accept it and believe that I deserve it.


When composing this blog, I wanted to choose a positive photo or image to put with it. I've added the photo of me because it shows a time a great enjoyment for myself. I'm now playing with a band that I love. The music is great and allows me to be creative rather than be restrictive (i.e. reading music written down).
The happiness in the band is infectious. The band is becoming more and more successful. One of the reasons for this is because we all enjoy what we play. That joy projects to the audience. They want to be part of the positive and exciting energy.

There is a clear truth in The Law of Attraction!

Blessings to you all........ Marty


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