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Marty's "Living life in chapters" A self development blog: The latest on the stress front

Marty's "Living life in chapters" A self development blog

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The latest on the stress front

I woke this morning feeling a little better than previous days (at least I wasn't reduced to a blubbering wreck for a change). I went to the doctor for my appointment. I'd mistakenly thought is was a counselling session, but is was in fact just a normal consultation. The long and the short of it is that I'm back on the prozac. It's not what I wanted, but I felt a bit cornered. Asked how I felt, I said I wasn't ready to return to work yet. This is because I don't feel in the right frame of mind to be effective and more that a little fragile with emotions. I know from experience that it's no advisable to go back to work in the wrong frame of mind still harboring anger inwardly and outwardly. Unfortunately, (Marty adopts cynical tongue) "government guidelines no longer allow people to take time off work for stress". This I'm told by the doctor. Confusion and anger returned immediately and I almost broke down again. Finally, I agreed to take the tablets and doc signed me off for another week. Having researched the effects of stress myself, I know that recomendations suggest a change of role or a change of job. Having informed my line manager, I've asked if it's possible to come back next week and just work on some admin alone for a while, perhaps to help her. Just waiting for a reply now.
Doc told me that someone will be in touch with me about counselling shortly. I guess I got angry about doc telling me "government guidelines" because it brought on feelings of guilt. I don't like being off work and with the rollercoaster of emotions, feel guilty when feeling quite well and normal at periods of time during the day. As it happens, this is the first time I've been off sick since 2001 and that was the same reasons as now - stress, anxiety and depression.
I've just taken the first tablet this morning and I'm irritated by the usual side effects of a burning throat and slight headache. For me, taking the tablets just puts a sticking plaster over a deep poisoned wound. I just want to get the poison out, but I know thats going to be very painful indeed. Still, what do I know? I'm just confused and messed up right now.
I'm going to a house church meeting tonight. I've got mixed feelings about that. Again, with all the confusion going on I'm not really certain of what is good for me.
I'm going to get away for a while at the weekend and see how I feel after that.


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