Outside the Comfort Zone

I'm never very comfortable about being angry. The emotion scares me quite a lot. Maybe there is something deep in my past that I'm not fully conscious of. I really don't know. I'm guilty of bottling up anger, particularly in public. I guess I'm only able to let out that anger in a place where I feel safe and in control. In the past, that has very much been at home and with the family. It's more than unfair on those around that I love so dearly to experience that.
Truth is, I do this at home rarely these days. Maybe thats something to do with maturity.
...

Today, I was angry in a public place and as usual I bottled it up. To release it in that "outside the comfort zone" area brings on far too much emotion (generally breakdown) and that is embarrassing. People that know me well are more than aware something is up because I tend to go very quiet (plus the fact its written all over my face!!!)

So what happened then? I hear you ask.

Well.....
I was asked what was up by someone and I said it....... ALL of it (well, most of it). I don't like upsetting people and I fear backlash. You see.... before I express these deep felt feelings, I analyze all of that and check myself. I question my motives. I fear being wrong despite knowing that its perfectly acceptable to get things wrong.

I sometimes wonder whether all this anxiety is borne out of the childhood experience of (as I remember it) never really being listened to or have my views respected.

Well.. bottom line is that I let a little gas out of the bottle. There was some relief in that but that relief is far from total. Mind you, it was very much outside my comfort zone, so I guess that can't be a bad thing.