The One Ring - A life lesson

I read "Lord of the Rings" many years ago as a teenager and thoroughly enjoyed the escape into a land of fantasy. When I knew Peter Jackson was making the films, I simply couldn't wait. In fact during a particularly difficult time in my life, knowing these films were due to be released became a simple motivation that helped stop me giving up on life.

My life has turned round in a massive way over the last 12 months. You may think that rather odd, considering my mother passed away in January after a very long illness and a close friend of mine also tragically died in the middle of the year.

So how come I'm feeling so good when in theory I'd expect to be full of grief?

Mother passing away was certainly a release for me, but that was just part of enabling me to change. Parts of my life were already starting to turn around just before that event. The difference that occurred is that during start of the improvement for me, I chose to accept the good feeling I experienced at that time and to live for the moment. This was a clear decision that was very much different to past patterns of thinking where I used to look for the coming fall. I'd worry and focus too much upon everything falling apart. Essentially, chose to believe I was not worthy of the goodness. 


Having spent a lot of time researching life coaching material recently and having also had an excellent few sessions of therapy a year or so ago, I now understand what influenced my negative patterns of thought. 


Much of it comes down to negative feedback I chose to listen to and accept as a child. 


You see, we do make a choice to accept or reject what we hear. It affects whether we become motivated, the nature of that motivation and what drives it. 


I ask you to consider a statement made to you in your past.


" You always ..........." "You never ........." (enter whatever negative piece of feedback you received). 
Consider your reaction to the statement. 


An example of a statement made to a child or young person. 
"What are you doing? Why haven't you done as I asked? You are just lazy and selfish."
The young person chooses how to react to this statement. 
He/she may choose to accept that accusation in its entirety. This may cause de-motivation and depression. Self talk comes in "I am lazy and selfish. I am a bad person. I am not worthy of love and acceptance."
There may also be anger. This anger may motivate in a negative fashion.
" You think I'm lazy and selfish? I'll show you how lazy and selfish I can be. I'm going to shock you by proving how much you have underestimated how lazy and selfish I am!"
The is a kind of rejection of the accusation made because the person didn't believe the "lazy, selfish" label put on them, but felt unable to counter this, so chose to become the label, and some!
This is likely what causes rebellion in teenagers. The person loses a sense of "self" and becomes something they are not. Self esteem plummets. 


Referring back to The Lord of the Rings, we can see this in action. Smeagal finds the ring and chooses to believe the lies it tells him. He becomes who he is not, Gollum. Gollum is consumed with selfishness and carries the burden of the ring. It affects him so badly that even when he loses it, he is unable to find his true self. The ring has enormous power. The greater the power of it's opposite, the more powerful it will become if it is accepted. Gandalf suspected this when he went to pick up the ring that Bilbo dropped. 


From another scene in the film (or book). Smeagal/Gollum is haunted by his negative self talk.
"Smeagal. I told you he was tricksy." 
Smeagal had begun to re-discover himself, but fell foul of his negative self talk, Gollum.


A way of approaching this problem is by investigating what is really going on when we receive what we perceive to be negative feedback. 

Is it true in its entirety? (Unlikely)
Is there some element of truth?
What do I accept and what can I learn?


I'll go no further with this because there is much written on the subject that you can read elsewhere. It's useful to read the perspective of others knowledgeable on this subject. One particular resource I found really interesting is the following link. 
http://www.trans4mind.com/positive/

I encourage you to read the article on Invalidation. 

Finally, I ask you whether you carry a "Ring of power" and if it is the burden in your life.
If so, resolve to rediscover yourself and cast that ring back into the mountain where is was created. Doing this will grant you the freedom you desire. 


Love and blessings.....


Marty