Choosing our reality

attribution: Jon Bragg

This blog is a reaction to Day 18 of Mind Alchemy “My reality is not your reality”. Steven made an excellent analogy in his post regarding the movie “The Matrix”. It is a film I chose to watch in it fullness only a couple of weeks ago.

When I have experienced an emotion, I generally think of it as something that that I passively receive. I've been challenged today in Mind Alchemy to.... lets see …... I'll describe it as “change the polarity” of the process.

I've read quite a bit relating to this subject recently. Today's exercise of running a movie in our minds of passed experiences for a specific process brought in a lot of emotion that felt uncomfortable. When it is uncomfortable, it feels like I am passively receiving it. Gradually, as I worked through the process, that feeling of discomfort lessened a little.

Running these movies about old experiences has for me had quite a negative effect in the past. I find the discomfort difficult to handle. It has pulled me down into depression when I think back to those episodes. The more I fought to reject these “movies” the more they came. I now realise that there is a reason for this. Click here to read the rest.

Empowered choices lead to significant decisions

Following on from my articles on "Self Healing - achieving goals with a purpose" , "The One Ring - a life lesson" and "Faulty all or nothing thinking"; I have felt inspired to expand on this subject.

In the "All or nothing thinking" article, I described the process of substituting the words "should" or "must" with the word "choose". After a discussion with a friend today, I realise that there is a further important stage to this. Bear with me as I delve into the magical world of metaphor!

With all choices we have a menu. This word is most commonly used when eating out at a restaurant. The word is French in origin and could loosely be described as a list. So we look at the the menu and consider what we may want to eat. I don't know about you, but sometimes I find it hard to make up my mind. The longer it takes, the later I will get my food. I'll experience the discomfort of hunger and others in the dinner party will become frustrated and impatient, not to mention the waiting staff and the chef! So I need to choose and make a firm decision. Making the decision effectively seals the contract. If I've made a decision I later regret, I'll have the opportunity to choose something different the next time I go out to eat. 

We can apply this to all aspects of our life. The decision is to take ACTION. If we do not take ACTION, nothing will happen. In the restaurant example, we will simply go hungry.  In life we can choose what is on the menu at any given time. If the menu is short, then the decision is easier to make. We have less options. We can however only choose what is on the menu. 


When you choose something, do you just stop there and wonder why nothing happens?
To break out of this trap, you can sign and seal the contract with yourself by taking action on the firm decision you have made. 


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My motivation behind writing these blogs followed a training course I attended last year called "Choices". Doing it inspired me with energy to get back to writing again with a new focus. I gave thanks to John Cordingly for his encouragement when delivering the training course.

Enforcement can be the root cause of rebellion

I had originally decided not to blog today because I felt I had nothing to say as such. On the way back home in my car from work this evening, I suddenly remembered funny little event from my life that rings true with regard to choice.

During the 1980's, I worked as a shipping agent at the port of Ramsgate in Kent. Buildings mainly consisted of portacabins including a single staff lavatory for all the staff on the port. 

The banter that went on between competing shipping agents and individuals was quite prevalent during that time. Many people chose to scrawl graffitti on the wall of the lavatory regarding various people and aspects of the port. Much of this was full of wit. In fact, I used to quite look forward to seeing what the latest funny picture or remark was on each shift I worked. 

Periodically, the management would arrange for the wall to be painted over to cover the wall repairing the vandalism. This would last a week or so before somebody started to scrawl again. Gradually the wall would be filled again with topical scribbles. Time and time again over months, the wall would be repainted. Eventually, the management gave in. They fixed a wipe board to the wall with a marker attached. Written on the wiper board was "Feel free to write and draw as you choose. We have provided you the facility to do this". 

Interestingly enough, the wall was never written on again. The rebellion was overcome by allowing freedom of choice. 

The gift of life and choice

I’ve spent some time thinking about my life goals over the last couple of weeks, evaluating differing ways of writing them and what content is relevant to keep me focused.

One particular phrase came to mind for the reason why I was choosing a specific goal. This was “To learn and accept that I am a worthy person and what I do has a degree of importance to the world as I see it, in the grand scheme of things”.

I decided this is a pretty important statement to make. It’s a revelation that has become more than simply words. I know there is plenty written on this very concept. There are times when we read things and they are little more than words. Every now and then however, a true meaning becomes apparent. To try to explain that is frankly beyond words. So I’ll simply write what came into my head at the time of this revelation.

The fact that we all exist as human beings must have some reason. We have choice to a large degree in what we do with our lives, even if that is simply how we choose to think.

So…… we can choose to decide that our life has some meaning. Let’s face it, why not? If we choose not to, then the future will seem pretty bleak and we will simply submissive to whatever the world throws at us.

If you are reading this, be aware that you chose to read it. You made a conscious decision to do so. The page did not choose you, you chose it! You exercised your power of choice. If someone is reading this to you, you have chosen to listen to it. We have the power to determine so many parts of our lives.

Make a decision about today.

Make a decision about tomorrow.

Do this in the clear knowledge that you CAN determine your future, whatever that may be.

Seasonal greetings.....

Marty

The One Ring - A life lesson

I read "Lord of the Rings" many years ago as a teenager and thoroughly enjoyed the escape into a land of fantasy. When I knew Peter Jackson was making the films, I simply couldn't wait. In fact during a particularly difficult time in my life, knowing these films were due to be released became a simple motivation that helped stop me giving up on life.

My life has turned round in a massive way over the last 12 months. You may think that rather odd, considering my mother passed away in January after a very long illness and a close friend of mine also tragically died in the middle of the year.

So how come I'm feeling so good when in theory I'd expect to be full of grief?

Mother passing away was certainly a release for me, but that was just part of enabling me to change. Parts of my life were already starting to turn around just before that event. The difference that occurred is that during start of the improvement for me, I chose to accept the good feeling I experienced at that time and to live for the moment. This was a clear decision that was very much different to past patterns of thinking where I used to look for the coming fall. I'd worry and focus too much upon everything falling apart. Essentially, chose to believe I was not worthy of the goodness. 


Having spent a lot of time researching life coaching material recently and having also had an excellent few sessions of therapy a year or so ago, I now understand what influenced my negative patterns of thought. 


Much of it comes down to negative feedback I chose to listen to and accept as a child. 


You see, we do make a choice to accept or reject what we hear. It affects whether we become motivated, the nature of that motivation and what drives it. 


I ask you to consider a statement made to you in your past.


" You always ..........." "You never ........." (enter whatever negative piece of feedback you received). 
Consider your reaction to the statement. 


An example of a statement made to a child or young person. 
"What are you doing? Why haven't you done as I asked? You are just lazy and selfish."
The young person chooses how to react to this statement. 
He/she may choose to accept that accusation in its entirety. This may cause de-motivation and depression. Self talk comes in "I am lazy and selfish. I am a bad person. I am not worthy of love and acceptance."
There may also be anger. This anger may motivate in a negative fashion.
" You think I'm lazy and selfish? I'll show you how lazy and selfish I can be. I'm going to shock you by proving how much you have underestimated how lazy and selfish I am!"
The is a kind of rejection of the accusation made because the person didn't believe the "lazy, selfish" label put on them, but felt unable to counter this, so chose to become the label, and some!
This is likely what causes rebellion in teenagers. The person loses a sense of "self" and becomes something they are not. Self esteem plummets. 


Referring back to The Lord of the Rings, we can see this in action. Smeagal finds the ring and chooses to believe the lies it tells him. He becomes who he is not, Gollum. Gollum is consumed with selfishness and carries the burden of the ring. It affects him so badly that even when he loses it, he is unable to find his true self. The ring has enormous power. The greater the power of it's opposite, the more powerful it will become if it is accepted. Gandalf suspected this when he went to pick up the ring that Bilbo dropped. 


From another scene in the film (or book). Smeagal/Gollum is haunted by his negative self talk.
"Smeagal. I told you he was tricksy." 
Smeagal had begun to re-discover himself, but fell foul of his negative self talk, Gollum.


A way of approaching this problem is by investigating what is really going on when we receive what we perceive to be negative feedback. 

Is it true in its entirety? (Unlikely)
Is there some element of truth?
What do I accept and what can I learn?


I'll go no further with this because there is much written on the subject that you can read elsewhere. It's useful to read the perspective of others knowledgeable on this subject. One particular resource I found really interesting is the following link. 
http://www.trans4mind.com/positive/

I encourage you to read the article on Invalidation. 

Finally, I ask you whether you carry a "Ring of power" and if it is the burden in your life.
If so, resolve to rediscover yourself and cast that ring back into the mountain where is was created. Doing this will grant you the freedom you desire. 


Love and blessings.....


Marty

Choice and Balance

In this modern world of constant media and advertising, we are bombarded with instruction and advice about what is and is not good for us. In many circumstances, this advice can be contrary. Have you ever listened to advice and later heard an opposite opinion, often from the same source?
This can cause confusion, doubt and frustration. 
Workplaces and businesses are constantly making changes to what is considered the latest pearl of wisdom. We are told how we should proceed as if this is the "gospel truth" and are all forced to conform. To an extent, we become somewhat submissive as choice is taken away from us.

One minute we are told certain foods or medications are good for us. The next, we are advised of another report that states the very same is bad for us. 

Some 40 years ago, conventional wisdom stated that we are heading for an ice age due to ozone and gasses. This then changes to global warning. Finally, to knock the whole concept again, we are in a second year of cold winter! If we carry on with cold winters, I'm sure the advice will be amended yet again.

So, what do we believe?
What is truth?

The point is, we have freedom to choose what we believe. Examining evidence, gut feeling, and spiritual enlightenment all form the basis of what we choose.... yes choose to believe.
Some insist we must conform to what is considered scientific evidence. It is perfectly ok for someone to choose to accept scientific evidence alone. However, to force that opinion upon someone else is to take away the other persons permission to choose.
Right now, I feel confident about what I believe. I'm also open to learning and to the possibility that some of my beliefs (about whatever!) may alter as I gain more wisdom. The dangers we face are that others will try to force their beliefs upon us and if we are not fully aware, we are in danger of forcing our beliefs upon others. 

We all have a gift to choose our thoughts, feelings and actions. Awareness of this ability is empowering. Well... at least I choose to believe that right here and now!

I'm feeling that nothing in this world is particularly set in stone apart from some things appear more than others more than others. 

Like the scales, in order to reach some sort of equilibrium, differing opinions are all there to be evaluated in order to maintain balance. When the balance is out, it needs adjusting. 

Finally, what is the truth? The truth is our perception.

What do you choose to believe?
What are you influenced by?
Is your opinion based truly you ability to choose and upon your independence as an individual?

I invite you to interpret and choose what to accept what I have shared here on this blog. 

Marty