28th August 2006

Episode 1. Some sadness from my past
Hi folks,
I've been scribbling madly over recently and have been planning on sharing this for quite a few days. In my normal blogs, I like to be light hearted most of the time. The stuff to follow is of a more serious nature. Its been bursting to come out to all of you, so I've made it my "afternoon/evening" blog. This is fairly long, so I suggest, pop the kettle on and make some time to read, if you feel inclined to read this.
Warning! This is something that may stir some strong emotions in some of you, particlulary if you have had a similar experience. If it does affect you in some way, I recomend that you talk it through with an experienced and qualified counsellor..... Marty xx

Bereavement.

1995 was my first year working in the motor trade as a Sales Administrator. The pay was not great, but then I needed the job. The hours were fairly long 9 till 6 Monday to Friday with compulsory overtime every other Saturday which involved covering showroom reception (the part of the job I hated because I was tied to the desk to answer the phone and had to smile at all the customers all day long, whatever my mood.)

Having just 2 children at that time, Christine was very keen to get pregnant again. I was not keen on the idea because I felt the family was well balanced with a girl and a boy 18 months apart in age. Anyhow, Christine did fall pregnant. I was not as enthusiastic about this as I had been with our first two. For some reason, this pregnancy didn't feel right. There were some minor problems with it early on. Not really a worry, but I thought that we couldn't expect this sort of thing to be perfect every time.

Further on in this pregnancy leading up to Easter 1996, some more problems came along which turned out to be very serious. At 28 weeks, Christine began to get swollen ankles. The midwife said she had high blood pressure and may need to go into hospital for a while. The morning after the midwife called, Chris woke up with swelling in her arms as well. I went to work and Chris was taken into hospital in Margate that day.

I did not have a car at that time and used to get the to Canterbury each morning. Sometimes, the service manager where I worked would see me at the bus stop and give me a lift into work. The first morning after Chris had been taken into hospital, I was picked up and Nick asked me if I was ok. This set me off because I was pretty upset and worried about Chris. I did my best to stop myself breaking down. Still, we went on into work. A little later in the day, my boss called me into his office and told me he intended to loan me a car for the Easter bank holiday weekend so that I could take the kids to visit Christine in hospital.

We were advised at the hospital that Christine had Pre Eclampsia. The doctor said it was a little unusual for this to occur at 28 weeks. Apparently, it is more common at around 34 weeks. The doctors were quite concerned and were considering inducing the birth, although it would be a premature birth. As a result, it was decided that Christine would be moved to Canterbury hospital which had better facilities for premature births. It was a tough call because of the stress involved with moving could make the high blood pressure worse. Anyhow, Chris was moved on around the Tuesday of the week before Easter. Without a car, this involved extra bus journeys to go visit her in Canterbury hospital. Our other 2 children were being looked after by Christine's mum who lived with us.

Part of my job during the week was to cover Showroom reception for an hour lunchtime whilst the full time receptionist went to lunch. I also had another little responsibility carrying out telephone interviews for folk inquiring about job advertised my my employers. This was difficult to do from the showroom because it took a while and stopped me from fielding general calls. I had that responsibility on Thursday of that week. Thursday lunchtime came with a call from a lady who asked to speak to me. Suspecting it was an “interview” call, I almost told her to call back, however, she said she was calling from the hospital and asked to to come immediately because my wife needed me. At this point I became really worried and panicky asking what was wrong. The nurse was reluctant to tell me but in the end she said that Christine had gone for routine heart beat monitoring that morning, but they had been unable to detect it in our child. A subsequent scan revealed that the baby had died.

The next part of this will be posted tomorrow...

Comments

(15 total)

I'm sorry to hear that, it must have been a truly terrible time for both you and your wife.

I don't have any children yet and not sure if I will but I cannot imagine what that must have felt like.

Tuesday 29 August 2006 - 03:45AM (VUT)

Terribly sorry to hear of your loss.

Monday 28 August 2006 - 11:59AM (CDT)

Going through a pregnancy right now, it breaks my heart even more knowing that you guys went through this. I never thought a pregnancy could be this hard until we started trying.

Monday 28 August 2006 - 01:30PM (EDT)

Hey Marty,
Yes, I too, am a survivor of the infantile demise, in 1978, I lost a son, after an operation to correct the effects of " Hirschprungs Disease", which, in laymans language, is the mal-formation of the nerve development in the large bowel, during the early part of the pregnancy.
It is almost 30 years later, and through the years, I have watched Terry's generation grow and develop,wondering how he would have been now, what would his interests in life been, and so forth.
We learn to cope in our own ways,and through the lack of communication between the mother and I, we also lost our relationship.
But we go on, struggling foward, surviving........
I donot extend the hand of sympathy, but instead I extend the hand of friendship.........

Monday 28 August 2006 - 10:41AM (PDT)

I'm so sorry, makes my problems seem so insignificant, to live with this day in day out, is just something to cope with..

Monday 28 August 2006 - 06:48PM (BST)

Hi Marty,
This is my first visit to your page. Thanks for your very kind comments on my blog. I also read the commendation on Sankaran's page.
Though it is more than a decade now & after reading yr post, feels like it has just been a very recent happening n yr life. How some incidents however grim it might be leave that mark in us.
Sometimes u feel like saying stop it man....but guess I'll come back & read the continuation tomorrow, afterall sorrow too has as much importance in sharing, without which we would never understand the true value of happiness.

Monday 28 August 2006 - 11:24PM (IST)

Hello lovely - you've been incredibly brave to open this up to us - how does chris feel about you sharing this? Some lives are chosen to continue and others are not - some say that a spirit decides BEFORE it incarnates, how long a life it will have, dependant on what kind of lessons it needs to learn in that life - which gives me a little positive in a world where so many negatives happen...

hugs

dormouse

Monday 28 August 2006 - 07:53PM (BST)

This is always tragic when it happens, Marty. My daughter was about four months pregnant when she began to feel ill and it was found that the baby had died. We all mourned as if we already knew the little soul...

Monday 28 August 2006 - 02:31PM (PDT)

Hello Marty, I guess this one is very difficult to share and probably reopens wounds you maybe thought were closed, its brave of you to share these memories, good memories are allways far easier to share than sad or painfull ones and as our children are so precious this is a very sad kind of loss, when I was married my wife had an eptopic pregnancy which of course was as we knew doomed, after I read your second part perhaps I'll share that story with you.

Monday 28 August 2006 - 11:18PM (BST)

On second thoughts if you dont mind I will not share that story because of course it would concern Carole as much, well of course more than myself and as I would not be asking how she felt about me telling it then it would be unfair for me to do so, sorry.

Tuesday 29 August 2006 - 12:01AM (BST)

That is so sad. I've been lucky with my children. I was ill with both of them but I would rather have that than anything happen to them. When my youngest was born, he wasn't breathing and had the cord round his neck. I knew he would be ok when they took him to rescuss. but my partner was terrified. He had already lost a brother at only 6 months old, that was 22 years ago. I would love to have another baby but I'm worried because it seems to happen mostly with the 3rd.

Tuesday 29 August 2006 - 08:50AM (BST)

My mother lost two baby girls ..... she never did have a daughter, just three sons. She never talked about it.

Tuesday 29 August 2006 - 08:58AM (BST)

Hi Marty - both my sister and my brother (well his girlfriend) have lost their babies a few days before they were due. They had to give birth in the normal manner, the babies were Christened - post mortems were carried out and then the horror of going to a babies funeral - twice. It doesn't matter what else is happening in the world at the time - there is nothing quite as devistating as burying a baby - my heart goes out to you even after all this time as the memories stirred up by writing must be dreadful. I hope that it is at least cathartic.

Tuesday 29 August 2006 - 10:07AM (BST)

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Londoner---- Bless you for kindly remarking. Luv ya lots :-)

Chris --- Thanks pal

Alexis ---- As I said to you on mail.. Hope I've not upset you

Ifiik ----- Friendship it important tks..

Sharron ---- I guess, when we see others problems, it always seems our own are insignificant.. Your situation is summut I don't think I could cope with. Sharing our own experiences , I think sometimes helps though.

Kannan ---- Yep... Thanks, I agree with all you have said here.

dormouse ----- I always value your remarks and your kindness. tks.

To everyone else ------ These happenings are kinda rare, but then in some ways happen to more folk than we realise. Tks for sharing yours too.

Tuesday 29 August 2006 - 01:29PM (BST)

A tremendous story and I am sorry for your loss. I couldn't imagine how difficult going through something like that must have been. Thanks for sharing.

Regards,
-jr