29th August 2006

part 2 of yesterdays 2nd blog

Well, I successfully negotiated this mornings shopping trip without too much trouble. Craig and I did get in trouble for teasing the female side of the family though, juts a little.


Here's part 2
Warning! This is something that may stir some strong emotions in some of you, particlulary if you have had a similar experience. If it does affect you in some way, I recomend that you talk it through with an experienced and qualified counsellor..... Marty xx


from yesterday

A subsequent scan revealed that the baby had died.

now continued.....

This is the point where reality goes into some sort of dream world and I kinda became distant from things around me. Ever since I can remember, if something bad was gonna happen, it always seemed to happen on a Thursday.

Our receptionist at that point had just come back from lunch. White with shock I told her what had happened. Immediately, she offered to run me up to the hospital. I walked into the ward and introduced myself faltered and broke down in tears. The hospital staff were very kind and took me through to the temporary private room Chris had been moved to. Chris and I cried and held each other. A numerous string of medical professionals came to visit us. After about an hour, Chris went into natural labour. I've been present at the birth of all our other children, but this was one I just could not face. I followed Chris to the labour suite but just could not go in. I just slumped to the floor outside the room on tears. I very kindly nurse came up to me, put an arm round me and led me to another private room for a cup of tea and a listening ear. I've never forgotton the compassion and kindness of that young lady.

The next hour or so involved me popping in and out of the labour room Chris was in. Her blood pressure has skyrocketed and I knew she was in some danger. She was trying to give birth naturally and refusing any pain relief. In the end I persuaded her to accept some pain relief. This wandering around continued for me. I can remember going to a bank of pay phones to update work on what was happening. I was shivering with cold, which was obviously shock. I've always had a vivid imagination, so thoughts of losing Chris too were bearing heavily on my mind. I returned to the lobby outside the labour room and a midwife emerged with our stillborn daughter. She brought her straight to me to hold. Tears rolled down my face and dripped onto my daughters face. I had this weird mixture of feelings... sorrow mixed with pride. Somehow there was the feeling of her soul around me. Although she had not survived, in some way, her brief existence did me feel proud of her. Originally we were going to name a girl Laura, but my other kids had been watching Stingray on the TV. Dawn loved the theme music “Aqua Marina” and mistakenly thought the name was Maria. So, for Dawn, the name of our daughter became Maria Laura Rose. (Rose after Christine's grandmother on her fathers side.)

After a visit from the hospital Chaplain, we were encouraged to have Maria christened. I believe in including our children in the realities of life, so I brought Dawn and Craig to the hospital and Christine told them what happened. We allowed them to see Maria and also to be present at the Christening and subsequent funeral.

The next day, Good Friday, this was arranged and Christine's sister and nieces came to be part of the Christening ceremony. Personally I was a little uncomfortable with them being there because I felt it was something very private, but Christine wanted them there so I agreed. It was really difficult and I cried throughout. Christine held up very well. By this time I had a car to use from work which was a great help. Later that day I left the hospital to go for a drive. There was something I had wanted to do for years. Not having a car had prevented it, but I had the opportunity. I drove to Kingsdown near Deal. This village by the sea has a lovely little traditional English church on a hill. Its where my childhood friend Paul is buried. I had never visited his grave and did not attend his funeral because my mother chose not to tell me. (Paul's funeral was, by accident, on my birthday. Mum didn't want to spoil my day). This Good Friday seemed the opportunity to go find Paul's grave, remember him and comfort myself over the loss of Maria. I “talked” with Paul about this and cried some, then returned home....

NEXT PART TOMMOROW...

Comments

(13 total)

Marty, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. As I read this I couldn't help but cry. Everything around me was quiet and I could only hear your voice telling your story. Yes I cried and felt deep sympathy for you and your wife and children, in reading this I could see that you all had strength in each other and great pride for your litte angel.
You gave your daughter a very beautiful name and it will stay with me for a very long time!
all my love and hugs to you and yours!
x

Tuesday 29 August 2006 - 03:36PM (BST)

I cannot even begin to imagine hwo you both felt at the time. One thing it has reminded me about though, I trained as a nurse in the early 80's, when I did my midwifery allocation of the training, I could never understand the way the profession encouraged women to go through a natural birth when the child would be stillborn. I could not imagine what it must feel like to go through the pain of it and not not have the child afterwards, I have often thought if it was an inbuilt form of punishment? Almost that it was to take the blame and to suffer for the loss? Sorry if this is a little near the nuckle, please delete if you find my question offensive, and I'm so very sorry if I ever cause you more hurt and pain...its definately not intended

Tuesday 29 August 2006 - 03:39PM (BST)

Marty, that was quite beautiful and so very sad, I felt like crying myself but am sat next to Gareth so bit my lip and pushed it back, this is definitely the most touching thing I have read or heard for a long time. Very brave mate, keep your chin up and look after Christine because this will certainly be hard on her.

Tuesday 29 August 2006 - 03:54PM (BST)

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Thanks folks... There will be more on this tommorow....

Tuesday 29 August 2006 - 04:53PM (BST)

a really tough time for you Marty - you are brave toshare it..

hugs
steph

Tuesday 29 August 2006 - 04:58PM (BST)

Such a heart touching story Marty...combining the hurt and the sorrow along with the love and strength that you endured throughout this situation is truly inspiring. God works in such mysterious ways, and the thoughts that led you to return to your friend Paul's grave are truly a reminder of this. Thank you for showing courage and strength to share this heartbreaking story with us. *Huggss*

Tuesday 29 August 2006 - 12:12PM (EDT)

Thank you so much Marty for sharing this with us all, I can almost feel inside me the emotion you portray, it's so heartfelt. My sister and her husband went through the loss of a baby recently at 31 weeks the baby's heart stopped beating, also the life of my sister that was at stake, although unlike christine she did not have pre eclampsia. I had pre eclampsia when I was pregnant with Patrick, thus i was induced at 36 weeks but not even after that did i know it could have such horrible consequences, not until reading your story. The story you tell of your experience is so inspiring and moving and I'm glad you used it positively in the way that you visited Paul and spoke with him about your daughter, even when our friends and love ones are gone, I believe they are still truely with us. Reading your story has inspired me to talk of an experience of my own that I have never had much chance to deal with (oh no you got me doing "scribblings" now! lol)I look forward to reading the next part of this emotional story. i admire you for your strength in sharing it. Sending you biggest hugs.x

Tuesday 29 August 2006 - 06:54PM (BST)

Marty, you are a very brave guy for deciding to share these private and painful thoughts with us all.

Tuesday 29 August 2006 - 07:20PM (BST)

I was just stopping by and was so touched by this story I thought I would tell you. Though my experiences were different in the loss of my child last year I couldn't help but cry again. This time for you and for me. I am glad for you that you were able to hold hold baby, I would give anything to have been granted the same. You're very brave for sharing this so openly.

Tuesday 29 August 2006 - 05:27PM (EDT)

Marty this was so touching! Thank you for sharing your most personal and private story with us!! So glad you got to hold your baby girl. That usually don't happen. I am so touched and such abeautiful name you gave her. May she rest in peace. Big Hugs!! Love ya!

Tuesday 29 August 2006 - 04:08PM (MDT)

Marty, mate,
We, here in the down under, extend to you our hand, being so proud to know a man such as your self. You, like Rainy, seem to absorb your pains as they come, but you have that remarkable ability to bounce back bigger and brighter than ever....greatstuff mate.......One day soon, I shall write you my trials and tribulations of losing a son toa little known disease........

Tuesday 29 August 2006 - 05:02PM (PDT)

Marty,

A touching affair. Laura was afterall breathing for close to 9 months before misfortune struck her or should I say all of you & snatched her away. If GOD really exists then he must have had a valid reason for doing such a thing.

It was very thoughful of you get yr other kids along & introduce them to their sister Laura.

Maybe u also saw a connection with Paul with this incident.

This post of yours brings back memories of my younger sister who should have been with us today.....will blog that one of these days with due commendation to this blog of yours.

Wednesday 30 August 2006 - 11:26AM (IST)

Just come back and Im caught up in this deep and loving story Marty. I think it was so good that you were all able to be with Laura, to hold her, welcome her and say goodbye. I want to believe that Laura was a blessing for you and your family, even though she could not stay. Thanks for sharing.

Thursday 31 August 2006 - 02:04PM (CEST)