31st August 2006

Final part...... The story of the child we lost... Maria Laura Rose

Here is the final part of my story about Maria. Its been interesting to read it back juts now, having written it all a few days ago. I couldn't believe the strength of desire I had to want to shar all of this with you folk. As soon as I'd finished the last sentence below, I posted the first part immediately the other day.

BTW... Chris has been happy for me to post all this. As I've stated in this last part, Chris has her own way of dealing with it all and respects my way too. We had a giggle this morning. She now calls me Mr Bloghead due to the amount of time I've spent here in recent weeks. "Would you like a bacon sandwich? she asked. "Ohh, yes please darling" I replied... and so our life goes on.

from yesterday..... Suddenly, it was as it a bomb had just gone off outside.

continued to the end......

My heart started to race and I felt very panicky indeed. The meal went straight in the bin and I quickly ran out of the canteen and back to my office. I had no idea at that time what was happening. I thought I was going mad! It was surreal. I just felt massive stress and was defiantely off my food and had disturbed sleep for days. I just couldn't work out what it was.. until I thought about Maria... Then the tears and sobs came in abundance. I cried several times a day for weeks. I guess what had happened, maybe, was that the emotional side of my brain had gone into shutdown whilst I got on with living. Then bang! Suddenly the flood gates opened. I think God protected me for a while until the was a safe time to let it all out.

Christine and I deal with grief and emotions in very different ways. When Chris is upset, she likes to be left alone, or to go visit friends and chat with them about her worries. For me.... well I'm still the little 4 yr. old boy thats fallen over and grazed my knee. I need hugs and reassurance big time! An example of this is a day when I was feeling upset about Maria. I went upstairs to the bedroom and dug out the photo's of Maria and the tape of “Adagio for strings” that we used. I then “let it all out” and cried. Chris came into the bedroom and turned off the music. I said “What did you do that for?” She replied, “Don't listen to it if it upsets you”. You see, she just did not understand. The music and tears were kind of comforting to me.

Chris and I go visit the Crematorium every year to remember Maria. Chris was keen quite soon afterwards to try again for another child. Initially, I had thoughts of “getting the snip”. These thoughts went pretty quickly, partly because the detailed thought of it made me squirm and I felt cowardly (laughing). Kara was born in 1997 and is my 2^nd daughter whom I adore and would not be without. And so.... I have my family of 3 healthy children that Chris and I have been blessed with. I thank God for that!

Finally, I leave you with a video of "Pie Jesu" from "Requiem". The music Christine chose for Maria's funeral. There is just such simple, pure, gentle beauty in this composition by Lloyd Webber. Just listening this afternoon has brought a tear to my eye. The scene's in this video look as if they may have come from a film. Does anyone know it? If you do, please let me know coz I think I'd like to see it. Thank you all for listening, writing back and most of all for your kindness and love.. Its something I'll treasure.... Marty xxx

Comments

(16 total)

You have been exceedingly brave, sharing this with us, riveting reading too. I cannot begin to imagine how you feel about this, but you have given us all a good insight to how you have dealt with it, and how others deal differently, from the bottom of my heart, I wish you well, and thank you My Freind

Thursday 31 August 2006 - 03:03PM (BST)

Thank you Marty for being such a warm and compassionate person and for sharing your most heartfelt moments with us!! It really gives us an insight to the Marty we all know and love! Everyone deals with grief in their own way and the loss of a child would be the hardest!! Glad you went on to have 3 wonderful kids! Always here to give you them hugs when ever you need them. Big Hugs!

Thursday 31 August 2006 - 08:21AM (MDT)

Marty, blessings have to be counted my friend, you have 3 lovely children and a wife who you love and loves you. Its good to hear that Christine is taking this ok. This has been an epic and beautiful read and worthy of telling, I'm just so impressed you had the courage to tell it. Thank you.
A bacon sarnie sounds good by the way, ask her to do me one as well please mate.

Thursday 31 August 2006 - 03:22PM (BST)

Wow! I am just catching up! What a very personal journey you have shared with us, not just yours but that of your whole family! I don't believe ther is any greater loss than a loss of a child and the healing process can really test ones faith! Your strenght is commendable! Thank you for sharing and may there be no more heart ache in you and your family's hearts! Hugs to you all!

Thursday 31 August 2006 - 09:36AM (CDT)

After reading your story I'm speechless. I can't put myself in your place or give you comforting words all I can say is that your story really touched me.

Thank you.

Thursday 31 August 2006 - 11:24AM (CDT)

What a beautiful piece of music to have at such an occasion, and I guess we all find ways of letting go of emotions and music is a powerful mover. Sometimes revisiting difficult stuff is necessary so that we can move on, and you have been incredibly brave to do this so openly - more power to you Marty.

hugs
dormouse

Thursday 31 August 2006 - 05:26PM (BST)

hey Marty, as you know, you have inspired me to write about my own loss, and all the dramas that went with it.I have been trying to get here and leave you a comment, but with all the glitches, gremlins,demons and little peskies, we have had to persevere.
I laughed when I read your comments on my blog, and your'e right, it does seem as though we have unwittingly started a support group here, coz even Rainy has her tale of woe to tell.........

Thursday 31 August 2006 - 01:34PM (PDT)

A very personal story Marty, that I am sure will help anyone reading it who has experienced the same. We all suffer losses, it is an inevitable part of life, but there can be no greater loss than that of your child. I have lost a step son, who I knew for only a very short time, bad enough, but to have been my own is unimaginable

Thursday 31 August 2006 - 09:41PM (BST)

I'm a friend of Charlies and found your page. I wanted to let you know that I too am thankful to have read your personal story. Your an inspiration really. Lord Jesus bless you and your family.

Thursday 31 August 2006 - 03:14PM (PDT)

Thank you for sharing the final part to this story and hopefully another step to finding that strange comfort that we get from telling our story. Yes we all do have our different ways of coping with loss and grief and that being said we should be allowed to rely on our own coping strategies when needed. I think you and me are of very like mind in the way we deal with our emotions and it can be hard for people to understand how we find solice in tears and rememberence, be it yours through music. Seems like you have really inspired us all Marty, bless you.x

Friday 1 September 2006 - 01:04AM (BST)

My dear Marty,
I am coming to this late, but as I read it I became more inspired in humankind. I applaud your bravery. My parents lost two children - two sisters of mine - that I never knew. The truth is that we never spoke of them and never had a chance to grieve for them in any kind of way.

Her 50th birthday came this last June, and it is the first time my father mentioned it. I do not think he has still reconciled himself to what happened, especially with the older one.

It is a blessing that you are able to grieve and to feel these emotions and let them out. I am probably more like your wife in that I keep things shut inside.

This is very powerful stuff and thank you for sharing it.

Thursday 31 August 2006 - 10:08PM (EDT)

Today my wish for you is peace, smiles and love. With that you can conquor the world...... I am truly sorry for your loss, but commend your acceptance & ability to move on. Your strenth inspires me...... Today i smile for you :D

Friday 1 September 2006 - 06:50AM (CDT)

An incredible story Marty.

Friday 1 September 2006 - 07:50PM (IST)

So touching, Marty...we do all deal with grief and loss in our own way. Some of us deal with it immediately, and others seem to be on a time delay. I'm more of the time delay sort. First, I deal with what has to be done and helping others, and eventually I have to come to terms in my own way.

Thanks for sharing your story and this beautiful song, too. It's Sarah Brightman, isn't it? So young and so beautiful.

Tuesday 5 September 2006 - 01:49AM (PDT)

I am so sorry for your loss. My heart was wrenched while I read your story, and still is now in my knowledge of your beloved Maria. My heart goes out to you both. There are no words that anyone can offer that can ease your heart or soul. The grief gets better, but it never fully disappears.
I offer you the quote that is on my children's headstone:
"Why mourn the cocoon once the butterfly has flown away?"
The quote helped me a lot when Elizabeth died. Now with the twins gone, I know why I mourn the cocoon.
Love & Light to you and Chris, always.

Saturday 23 September 2006 - 06:22PM (CDT)

I know what it is like to lose a child I lost two . As I had two miscarriages at ten week gestation and even though I have no where to go and grieve each year I still rember when I lost them ,But have two children that are the world to me with they problems I,m luck to have them.

Sunday 15 July 2007 - 04:05PM (BST)