Questionable motivation

I've given it all some serious thought. I even brought home the application form and job specifications. There was nothing too taxing in reading it all, but there has been something that has held me back. The deadline in applying for that promotion is tomorrow and I've not completed anything.

Mitch (on Multiply) put it all perfectly on his comment to my last post here. As much as I feel I could do the job, I'm really aware of the potential for adding pressure that I don't need. I managing my life reasonably well as it is. If anything, I'm less under pressure financially that I have been for a very long time. The initial motivation for wanting to apply for the promotion was, I feel, borne out of a sense of pride and not wanting to see the possibly of a colleague getting ahead. That's just a plain stupid thought. It's the kind or arrogance that I've had in the past and likely has more to do with a lack of self worth than anything else. Overall, I think I'm past all that now. I've had to accept that I live with occasional bouts of depression and anxiety. There's little I can do about that. It's a pain in the arse, (ooer, that's not a word in spell check ) but it's part of me and that's that. Adding to pressure with the potential for additional episodes is something I'd do well to avoid. So, I'm going to continue with my current job role with humility and make the best of it.

Right. That's got it off my chest now.
Talking of self esteem, I think that overall, this has improved for me in the last year. I've gained confidence in a few things such as a bit of home DIY without too much stress.
Cooking is something I always avoided and has been a source of stress. It's funny really. Friends of mine will ask me to fix little things on their computers that are pretty simple really. Well, I guess they are to me and its often well within my comfort zone. Yet ask me to cook a meal and I get in a right old tiz. However, with the help of a friend, I've cooked a couple of curries at work on my own in the last week and really enjoyed it. I like 'em hot and have enjoyed experimenting with adding various spices (along with the essential chilli powder, LOL).


My local pub with the Indian restaurant ran a karaoke night last Thursday. I love karaoke, despite initially having a dim view about it. The first time I got up to have a go (after a beer or 2) was a couple of years ago. I guess there is something empowering about being in control of a microphone. It doesn't matter if you can't sing. That's the whole point really. It's more to do with loving out a dream, emulating someone famous and having fun with that concept. It always takes dutch courage for me and adrenaline takes over.

Here are a couple of the lads from the restaurant (chef and waiters) singing music from their own culture. That was fascinating and really good fun.