Butterflies

Ok (here is the link folks!)Sankaran, you got it. Here is my entry. It took me a while to be inspired but seeing as many other have posted, I guess I want to join in.

Butterfiles,

It was the day of the race. School cross country for the whole school... the highlight of the year. I was enthusiastic. I wanted to do well. I knew I was not good enough to win. Sport was not something I was good at, but running distance? Well I could make a passable attempt at this without being laughed at by the others. The breeze was cool and the air damp. I had butterflies in my tummy.
I made attempts at stretching, not really understanding what this meant, but hey! ya had to look the part and make like the others. The shout came "GO!" My peers sprinted on ahead and I took measured strides. It was not long before those sprinters got out of breath lagged to walking pace, hands in hips. I kept running at a steady pace determined not to stop and walk.
What a great day is was. I didn't win of course. I didn't even come close but the joy of encouragement from the sports master next day in class in front of everyone. "Well done lad. You exceeded my expectations. You gave your all and I'm impressed". A smile of triumph spread across my face. Praise from the sports master. Now that was rare.... for me at least.

Comments

(17 total)

I love the story. It is very humble and open. Well written :o)

Saturday 23 September 2006 - 05:39PM (CDT)

Funny, Marty! I have an IDENTICAL experience! That, when I was in Class 10 (Age 15). Strange that another similarity surfaces!
The Story, is simple, straight and genuine. Typically Marty!

Sunday 24 September 2006 - 04:30AM (IST)

oh how many times i felt the same before a race...and relived it now trough your story. Thank you for that. Nice write off.

Sunday 24 September 2006 - 01:17AM (CEST)

This is a won........ 'ang on a minute! This is YOUR story Marty, ya Wombat.... LOL LOL

Sunday 24 September 2006 - 12:25AM (BST)

Lol I dont think I ever got much in the way of praise for my sports efforts at school, wasnt very good at anything but enjoyed a nice kick about when I could get one.

Sunday 24 September 2006 - 01:18AM (BST)

lol what a fantastic story

I to raced cross country back in school and this totally captured my experiance

p.s no declaring yourself the winner! lol

Sunday 24 September 2006 - 08:20AM (WST)

Wonderful story Marty.. and a good moral to it as well.. It is not about finishing first, it is all about finishing period! :) A+ !!!! :)

Saturday 23 September 2006 - 07:54PM (CDT)

Great story?? I love your storys?

Saturday 23 September 2006 - 10:37PM (ADT)

...and when you finished the race the butterflies were gone, flown away! Nice story Marty! I am sure the praise from the sports master was well deserved!! It is never about being first. It is being able to complete...

Sunday 24 September 2006 - 07:53AM (IST)

Slow & Steady wins the race...Marty so many different shots at Butterfly...Sankaran u got bloggers chasing butterflies here....

Sunday 24 September 2006 - 07:54AM (IST)

Bravo! :-) Tha' was cute. I was never into sports - like I always say, I just sit in front of the TV and act like a know-it-all. And hey, I play Scrabble. ;-)

Saturday 23 September 2006 - 09:01PM (PDT)

I thought it was quite inspiring. I was terrible at running. We used to have a health test in school, part of which was to to run 2.4 km in a certain given time. I failed the first time and the second but passed on the third attept. The rule was such that one has to keep trying untill and unless you pass..even if that means a thousand try...your story kept remininding me of those experiences.... well written :)

Sunday 24 September 2006 - 02:37PM (EST)

From having butterflies in the tummy, to having wisdom of celebrating a no win is amazing. Very well written, short and sweet story! It is so amazing to see the different stories people are coming up with, with these butterflies theme!

Sunday 24 September 2006 - 02:05AM (PDT)

What a lvely story of a happy child. Thanks marty, verily a butterfly in itself.
hugs
steph

Sunday 24 September 2006 - 12:43PM (BST)

The sportsman spirit,ultimately prevailed..and I guess thats what counts the most..We are most often defined by the idea of winning..But little do we realize that it is in the running..that the whole learning experience lies..Your story brought back memories of another day..:-]..TC..Regards,Husna..

Sunday 24 September 2006 - 11:12AM (EDT)

Wait.. gym teachers give compliments? I thought that was against their creed.

Sunday 24 September 2006 - 05:37PM (CDT)

Nice story Marty, I liked the sentiment of your determination not to win but to do the best by yourself and not give in, that is the best that anyone can do, I think your praise from the sports master was justly deserved indeed.x

Monday 25 September 2006 - 01:45PM (BST)

short stories, band and spiritual feelings

Hi Folks,

Its really intrigued me to read quite a few short stories here of late. I've found this inspirational and its certainly sparked off my mind to write some more. I've spent this morning writing another story myself. As with all my writing, much of it is closely linked to personal experience. To try to be creative in other ways just doesn't work for me.
I've got to thinking about how I have managed to write these stories.
First of all, I write about a particular experience I have had in detail. I then find I'll embelish the story in some shape or form. Some of this may be to be to do with hopes and dreams of what might be in the future or simply what might have been in the past. Using different names or different locations may come into it. In every case, the feelings involved are genuine. I guess sometimes its a case of "topping and tailing" the story.

All this of course is about the fictional stuff, (although its not quite fiction in what I've written so far, more "fact-ion"). Its different to what I call my scribbles, which are explicitly factual anicdotes.

Today, I intended to go play with the band in Aylesham for their carnival day. I guess I didn't get round to that in the end. Maybe this is because I feel I need some more experience with the slide trombone. My confidence with this is not high enough yet. Its a mixed feeling of wanting to go and not wanting to go.

My spiritual life feels much more back on track recently. I've had a feeling a peace in the last few days and my energy and motivation for work is slowly returning, as made obvious in my last blog. I've also found that I have slept much more soundly as well. Its weird, yesterday, my daytime sleep (after night shift) involved a dream about meeting some of you folk from 360. I explicitly remember meeting Brenny and enjoying good conversation with him. Something is happening recently with my spritual life that feeling really exciting. I'm getting explicit answers to prayer that are far more than just co-incidences. I listened again to the video I put up of "Destination Docklands". It speaks to me of the awesomeness of God. It generates amazing colours in my mind and speaks of hope for the future. If you have not heard, go listen again. What images and feeling does it create for you? What images and feeling does music you like create for you? I'd love to know your answers here.

Now, I'm wondering when to post the short story I've written this morning. Shall I do it today in another blog, or maybe keep it for another time?

Comments

(6 total)

Its really good to hear you feeling and sounding more yourself Marty matey, but I'm just wondering, you wrote this before the end of the Liverpool v Spurs game wasnt it, hope this hasnt affected your mood too much matey lol.

Saturday 23 September 2006 - 03:28PM (BST)

Marty, glad you're feeling more like your old self. You have confirmed something in this blog I had been wondering about. It felt like the writings you have done that were meant to be fictional actually felt like the telling of real events. I wasn't sure if it was a case of using real experience as a starting point or whether it was just your natural story-telling style. Thanks for clearing that up.
As for music, well that is a very wide-ranging question and I'm sure each person will answer it in a different way. Personally I tend towards instrumental music a lot of the time, be it classical, or modern electronic like Jarre. Songs are ok, but the words tend to focus you in the direction that the writer and/or singer want to take you. That's not the case with instrumental music. For me it depends on the mood I am in and what has caused the mood. I can listen to a piece of music on one day and feel a particular feeling or emotion, I'll listen to the same piece another day and get a totally different feeling or emotion. It's very subjective.

Saturday 23 September 2006 - 04:45PM (BST)

"My spiritual life feels much more back on track recently"- then the rest is falling on track too! and that's good news!
good to hear this Marty!

Saturday 23 September 2006 - 09:52PM (IST)

Marty I'm so glad to hear you are feeling back to much your normal self...I did read your last blog but don't think I left a comment, I can't remember so I'm sorry if I didn't.
I love the way you write Marty, the way you put your feelings into words and make your personal experiences come to life for all who read.
Marty, I loved the Jean-Michel Jarre vid on your last post, his music is just awesome and I can totally lose myself in it, I feel very much the same that it speaks to me of hope (and excitement) for the future.
Todays vid wasn't really my thing, lthough one can feel the anticipation in the music as if it is building up to something... creating suspense and intrigue (guess I enjoyed it more than I first realised!!). Big hugs to you dear Marty and thank you to you for all your recent words with me...I feel life is beginning to make a little more sense to me already. xx

Saturday 23 September 2006 - 05:39PM (BST)

Hi Marty I like the way your share you feelings so plainly in your blog.

Well about the music. I agree with Mitch somewhat, I like instrumental music, well classical and latin music, and especially piano music. Its great when it paints real pictures in your head. I also like opera. Its incredible when a human voice has the qualities of a musical instrument. I like music with lyrics when the lyrics don't use superlatives. Like jarvis cocker's writing. He talks about things that have happened or tend to happen and doesn't colour them up too much with descriptions... Your mind fills them in. Also because in many songs his voice forms the bass track of the music, if you will, the keyboard and guitars still give you a kind of instrumental thrill.

Saturday 23 September 2006 - 07:13PM (BST)

Marty, heck.. what can I say.. You are just one heck of a guy! It is great to read one person who is so geniune and sincere.. I love how you share your life with us.. Please don't ever change... :) Your a wonderful man... :) I am so glad that you are feeling more peace as well! Hugsss to you and yours always!

Saturday 23 September 2006 - 08:04PM (CD

Back to Basics

This blog is based on my experience of work last night and ties in really well with Mitch R's blog too.. as put up on my blast. As many of you know, I've gone through quite a bit of heartache regarding work just recently. Last night I went into work little later at 10pm having took some time to attend a meeting about the Alpha course Click here coming up for church next Saturday.
Just as I was getting out of my car at work, one of the lads called out to me from his window on the first floor and asked me if I would go up to chat with him. This particular lad very nearly got excluded in the last week for serious damage caused in the project. After a quick "settle in" I popped up to him 5 mins later and we chatted for about an hour. Its been a long while since I have listened, now I mean really listened to one of our lads without other stuff going on and other agenda's. I felt much like I did when I first started this job nearly 3 years ago.

This was back to basics.
This eposide last night had me realize how all of us at work have been so tied up with house rules, policies and procedure, report writing, house keeping (sweep the yard, do the filing, do the washing up, check the rooms, maintain the files) etc etc that we have all lost touch with the real people we have bening trying to help. The disruptive behavior generates all sorts of distracting feelings for us too. These feelings... frustration, sadness, anger, irritation, etc. have GOT IN THE way of basic humane care. Trying to teach these vulnerable lads to be respectful whilst having to manage the fallout when neighbours make complaints and in some cases parents of the lads "dis" what we are trying to do and likley project their own inability to manage their children onto us, just add to the mis direction of true focus and vision. In the end, it has become a vicious circle. Trust goes out the window. As staff, we skulk around the building trying to catch the guys out because we are frustrated that we cannot prove who smashed a window or ripped a carpet or tampered with fire equipment.
This experience has brought the blind spots I have to my consciousness. Last night, I was able to listen and care in the way I used to because although I'm tired out and emotionally bruised I HAD PEACE IN MY HEART. I was able to put aside (and I mean really put aside) everthing else that is going on, not just think I was doing this.
A good friend of mine suggested "taking God for a walk" perhaps down the beach and talking to him about this. Again, this is a communication issue. The chance to offload the busy life around me. A chance to perhaps refill that "bottle of cope" that I mentioned in a previous blog. Ahhhhhh, thats right! THATS how you refill it!

I got a short scribble for you penned last night.

My Son Craig and his “oops” moment

It was Christmas time and we were preparing to buy presents. This particular year, we decided the older too could make up their own minds on what to buy. I think Dawn was about 10 and Craig aged 9. I put by some extra cash for them to buy presents. I took Dawn and Craig down to the shops in my village. We all looked round for something for Mum. After that purchase, both Dawn and Craig wanted to get my present. I’d already looked in the shop we were going into (a small shop similar to a Boots chemist selling a variety of stuff). At that time I used to chat online with Lycos chat under the pseudonym “Potatoehead”. (People would always tell me I spelt it wrong, but that was deliberate because someone else had already taken the name under the other spelling). The kids knew about my “Potatoehead” AKA online so when I saw a bottle of bubble bath in the shop in the shape of the toy Character “Mr Potatohead”, I guessed this may attract them.

Both the kids insisted I wait outside the shop whist they went in and chose presents for Mummy and Daddy. After a little while, both emerged with presented securely hidden inside plastic bags. “Did you get everything you wanted?” I asked. To which Craig replied. “Well we got the Mr Pota…….” Mortified, Craig put his hand to his mouth in the realisation he had given the game away. I, of course fell about laughing at his mishap.

Comments

(10 total)

Every words you said is true Marty! We get drawn out and beat down as adults.. and then when working with troubled youth we wonder why they stop communicating.. well we stop! So wrappped up in all our troubles we forget the reason we are there at times. We have to step back and take frequent mental health breaks, I call them, and regain our own composure in order to assist them with theirs.. Just as we react off our enviroments and stress factors so do they.. they sense it.. our feelings of frustrations, they in turn become frustrated becuase they then internalize it thinking it is about them because we have become short, snappy and half there for them... Such an honest and eye opening post Marty! Thanks!

Friday 22 September 2006 - 09:42AM (CDT)

Hei Marty.

Yep, back to basics tis right. Once in a while one is brought to that very point where that is only thing to do.
Liked the Oops a lot as well. Keep well, safe n sound. =)
Great weekend to you & the yours, too.

Friday 22 September 2006 - 04:56PM (CEST)

Hi Marty. That was really cool how you felt you could really listen. Its incredible how when we connect with God in one aspect of your life it touches others. How amazing! :)

Friday 22 September 2006 - 04:59PM (BST)

Marty, thanks again for putting my blog on your blast. The response was wonderful. I will contact every one in due course (there need to be more hours in the day!!!). I am in complete agreement about what you said about losing sight of what is important.So much of our time is taken up with red-tape and unproductive systems. My work has the same kinds of problems. Sometimes amidst all the governmental red-tape and political correctness, we forget that at the other end of our phones are people who need their benefits, they have no job, no money, they need OUR help. Sometimes it is good to take a step back and look at what is really important. In my job as a mentor, I often have to remind staff that the voice at the other end of the phone is a REAL person, with real needs and they expect to be treated with respect and understanding.
On a lighter note, loved the 'oops' incident. Kids are great for those little moments.
I was at the Docklands concert too!! Small world. Was it worth a day-long soaking in the rain?? You bet it was!! That guy KNOWS how to put on a concert!!!

Friday 22 September 2006 - 06:07PM (BST)

Hi Marty matey, liked your little story, poor little Craig lol. It sounds like you are beginning to get a little of your equilibrium back, perhaps due to the decisions you have recently made, you seem more at peace as your last couple of blogs have appeared.

Friday 22 September 2006 - 11:21PM (BST)

I'm glad you're able to get that old feeling back even if only for a bit. I personally think all file cabinets should be banned from the face of the earth. They suck the souls out of us all.

Friday 22 September 2006 - 08:41PM (CDT)

So true Marty. Marshall Rosenberg has a whole book on what he calls 'non violent communication' and the basic premise is that once people feel they are heard and understood, most reasons for conflict go away.

Those lads are lucky to have you around.

Loved the ooops stories. It's these little things that make time with the kids so precious.

Saturday 23 September 2006 - 05:14AM (EDT)

Don't you love it when you can find that excitement about work again? Stress seems to take that away from us, but once we are able to relax, the passion can usually come back. Children are so precious! I think it is them that keeps our spirits up and gives us the will to move forward!

Saturday 23 September 2006 - 01:42PM (EEST)

"taking God for a walk": I think that's a great idea! what a way to peace!!!

Saturday 23 September 2006 - 06:23PM (IST)

i really like the picture you used for this blog. I think in so many areas paperwork and rules etc have taken over and removed focus from the basics such as listening to someone; having spent a lot of time hospital visiting this summer I could really see how frustrating it was for many of the staff, you felt that they really wanted to be more caring, to make sure patients ate, or just felt looked after, but they simply didn't have time for that basic caring element of their job.

Saturday 23 September 2006 - 11:04PM (BST)

memories of Croatia

Things have been pretty peaceful for me, although I still feel pretty tired physically and emotionally. Its feels a bit like a train crash of the soul. Crikey! Thats sounds a bit dramatic! Its wasn't that bad, honest. I've been getting a little physical pain too which started the Monday before last just around my breast bone on the left. I've had this sort of thing before here and on the neck or shoulders. It usually occurs when I get really stressed out. Methinks its muscle spasms. It hurts if I move too quick.

Anyhow, I've really enjoyed reading some funny blogs tonight. Jaws had me going with his Mel Brooks clip that I failed to recognise. Then there has been IT Support spoofs and Simon redhols1 with his usual wit.... amusing stories and dubious tangent links to various places. not forgetting the dried frog pills! Getting back to Mel Brooks. This had me searching YouTube yet again for a funny clip. You'll find that futher down.

I was playing with the video I shot with the phone camera the other day and I frustrated that Windows Movie Maker won't take MP4 format. This got me on to searching for a suitble conversion program and the associated worries about avoiding paying for software to do this and picking up malware if I find a free one. Truth is I'd like to find a program a bit more funky to edit and produce video's really. I'm considering downloading (upgrading) Quick Time to the pro version. Maybe, maybe not. I hope I've not "Techno freaked" some of you out now.

Comments

(9 total)

Okay, you have techno freaked me out! LOL! I have been wanting to take some video of my boys and put them on but don't have a clue how to go about it and the whole thing just frustrates me! LOL!

I know the achey aches from stress, my neck gets that way to the point I can not turn it at all generally always towards my left.. go figure!

What did you think of Jaws background.. crazy! Gives me notion sickness! LOL! Just kidding, but a definite strange! LOL!
Hugsss to you and yours!

Wednesday 20 September 2006 - 09:22PM (CDT)

That was suppose to be "motion", not "notion" lol!

Wednesday 20 September 2006 - 09:23PM (CDT)

I'll make a mote.... I mean a note of that . LOL

Thursday 21 September 2006 - 03:42AM (BST)

Train crash of the soul - well its fairly likely to be true - go with that metaphor and talk it through with someone at some time. It might be useful to you...honest.

hugs
steph

Thursday 21 September 2006 - 08:19AM (BST)

i only just learnt how to post a video and not sure how often i'll use it, especially after a negative comment left on my blog about embedded videos, but for me the photo is a key part of any blog i write, i sometimes use my own photos, sometimes use google images to find something that fits, sometimes i even find the picture first and then write a blog to go with it. it is very rare that i blog without including a photo, and if i do it is normally some kind of fairly serious announcement rather than my normal random bloggage.

Thursday 21 September 2006 - 08:23AM (BST)

You're on the button there Viv. You just described exactly how I blog, including not putting a picture or video up sometimes when its a bit serious (or kinda emergency).

Thursday 21 September 2006 - 01:06PM (BST)

This whole blog thing is new to me and am figuring out how to put videos and random pictures into the page. It it takes becoming a TECHNO FREAK then that is what I will do. I really enjoy the you tube videos at the end of your blogs. I also suffer from train crashes of the soul from time to time and so it doesnt sound dramatic to me at all. I have discovered that conversation with a really good friend helps alot. You have a stupendous day.

Thursday 21 September 2006 - 07:07AM (CDT)

HEY, I loved youre video? Have a good day?

Thursday 21 September 2006 - 12:31PM (ADT)

I like to see some video clips, I dont use them, but do like the Colnel and the meaningful musical ones too..I just dont use them because its 'just not me' type of thing, and quite often my blog entries would not have their impact with videos..just personal, and...I dont know how, need to look at the Colnel again one day, maybe for another site...But I do want to know how to put more than one photo in, maybe another time...

Thursday 21 September 2006 - 08:53PM (BST)

Making Decisions

Hi Folks,

Picture above is Cliftonville, Margate near to where I work in days gone by.

I guess the last couple of weeks have been somewhat stressful for me and to some extent all this crept up on me without me realising it. This just happens to me from time to time in my life and I'm kinda coming to accept it, whilst finding new ways to "see it off at the pass" so to speak.

Yesterday was a good day, but pretty busy. Work was pleasant in the morning. I then went to college in the afternoon for my counselling course. The highlight of the day was last evening when I went to a church meeting for the church plant I'm involved with. It was a kind of training evening for the up coming Alpha Course the church will be holding next month. I got to meet an old friend from the time I first did Alpha 4 years ago. I've not seen Simon for ages and it was a joy to meet him again. We did the course together and thats where I got to know him and his family.
The end of the evening was a time of praying. It made me realise how much I needed to be in the presence of God. Its been a while since I've felt as spiritually moved as I did last night. Talking about Alpha brought back that whole experience I had back then and was really very moving. Getting that feeling of unconditional, non possessive love and acceptance again is in that setting is something that for me, cannot be topped. Without realising it, I'd been denying that to myself of late.... Making a little time for me...

The other thing I did yesterday that has lifted some weight off me, was to book myself an appointment for some supervision/therapy with a local counselling service. This is for next Monday and I'm looking forward to it.

The reason I'd put the picture on above is because I took a walk along the beach on Monday in Cliftonville and did some filming with my new Mobile phone. I'm intending to turn it into another, somewhat different video blog (hopefully) that I'll share at some point (providing it comes out as I intend it to).

I'm all out of scribbles at the moment, so will find some more to write later. Will maybe work on that tonight during night shift. Having been shopping at the dreaded Asda's this morning, I have a little rain forest cleaning to do from my garden this afternoon. LOL

Comments

(11 total)

I guess its time to refresh your Alpha, Marty! Connects you back to Nature and then the infinite powers of the Mind takes over...

Wednesday 20 September 2006 - 05:17PM (IST)

I'm pleased the mists seem to be lifting for you....Please take care My Good Friend ....x

Wednesday 20 September 2006 - 01:15PM (BST)

Whatever makes you happy and stress-free....do it.
Your choice of vid was a spooky co-incidence. I was only thinking about that song last night. I posted a blog containing the vid to John Farnham's "You're The Voice". I was going to add a line saying it's one of the few rock songs I know that has a bagpipes break instead of a guitar break, and I don't count Mull Of Kintyre as it's a ballad not a rock song. I didn't use that line in the end, but it was a surprise to find Mull on your blog today!!

Wednesday 20 September 2006 - 01:17PM (BST)

Marty, you seem sad? I wish I could make thing better? Only one thing I can Do? Close your eyes. Rap your arms around you. This is ME given you a hug???? Your picture is very nice. Take care. Ruth

Wednesday 20 September 2006 - 10:29AM (ADT)

Takin a walk along the beach sounds lovely Marty, and it sounds as if even in your somewhat stressfull day you had some really positive structure to it as well. Just keep that chin up Marty and keep smilin!
{{{HUGS}}} x

Wednesday 20 September 2006 - 02:29PM (BST)

I am glad you are getting out of it. And certainly being close to God helps us... And this picture is awesome... can't wait for that movie thing you mentioned here...

Wednesday 20 September 2006 - 06:37AM (PDT)

So the day worked out a lot better than you imagined? That is great and very positive. Sometimes life provides answers when you least expect them and the environment provided yet again and you took up the chance.
Keep looking out, and keep looking after (you).

hugs
steph

Wednesday 20 September 2006 - 06:08PM (BST)

Its good to hear that you are getting back to you hun....sadly it something we sometimes forget to do. Thankyou for your very kind comment posted to me about my lady and it is so spooky that you sense things in me that are spot on. Yes I have been to a very dark place that took a long time to recover from! but here I am and in my own way try to help others that go there. When I feel that it is all getting too much for me I take some A/L and do nothing!!!....lol it works for me. I too have thought about moving on lately I would like to work in a early intervention team but sadly there isnt one in Huddersfield yet. Fingers crossed maybe soon eh! Take care of you babe ok....xxx

Wednesday 20 September 2006 - 10:17PM (BST)

I'm glad you have reached some conclusions Marty and are taking positive steps to move forward. And yes make a little more time for you indeed! Take core of you and you know I am always here should you need me. Big hugs to you and god bless.xx

Wednesday 20 September 2006 - 10:38PM (BST)

What a wonderful song. The bagpipes have such a hauntingly beautiful sound to them.

Wednesday 20 September 2006 - 07:34PM (CDT)

i remember this song coming out when i was about 9 years old, i recorded it from the radio one sunday night, i think the charts used to be on at 7 o'clock, and my friends and i learnt all the words during the following day during lunchtime at school, we thought we sounded sooooo good. thanks for the memory.

I've tried

Re: My job.

I've tried to help in the best way I can.

I've tried to be respectful.

I've tried to be patient.

I've tried to be understanding with who are hurt and vulnerble.

I've tried to be upbeat and happy.

I've tried not to be angry, and when I am, I've tried not to show it.

I've tried to be motivational.

I've tried to be inovative and creative with ideas.

I've tried to be humble.

I've tried to give and not expect anything back.

I've tried to be reaslistic and not have to higher expectations of myself and others.

I've tried to be supportive of my colleagues.

I've tried to accept the times I have been wrong with grace.

I've tried to love.

I've tried to be practical.

I've tried to do things I'm not good at and don't like doing.

I've tried to be reflective.

I've tried to learn.

I've tried to move on from what has been hurtful to me.

I've tried to be honest and temper that with being tactful.

I've tried to be sensitive to the needs and wants of others.

I've tried to keep everyone together when it looks like everything is falling apart.

I've tried to be faithful.

I've tried to be enthusiastic.

I've tried to be good humoured.

I've tried to be upbeat and positve in the face of adversity.

I've tried to be loyal.

I've tried to raise ethical issues over the needs of staff.

I've tried to be commited to what I do.

I've tried to be aware of my own needs and balance that with the needs of others.

I've tried not to be greedy how much I desire to earn.

I've tried to stand up for the collective morals and principals of what we are trying to achieve.

I've tried to be friendly.

I've tried to be tollerant.

I've tried to work hard.

Right now folks...... at this very moment in time..... I'm all tried out..

Comments

(26 total)

And in the end you are all that is important - look after you lovely..

hugs
steph

Monday 18 September 2006 - 06:19PM (BST)

Steph is right Marty and I'm sure you know it....take care of you. You are such a giving person Marty but don't forget to TAKE time for yourself. Sorry I've not been about much I have been taking some time for myself..I needed it!! My love to you as always....and big hugs.xxx

Monday 18 September 2006 - 06:26PM (BST)

G'day new friend. Seems like I've had to deal with many troubling issues lately. When life becomes unbearable for me, as it often does, I look to God for the joy & strength to move on. I pray for God's touch on your life & in your situation.

http://www.faithflashes.com/encouraged2.htm

Monday 18 September 2006 - 12:34PM (CDT)

n I have tried to complete next poem ...
Yeah we end up saying I tried.And it will be mostly things we are not interested.
You can do if u want to..but ppl always says "I tried.."

Monday 18 September 2006 - 11:07PM (IST)

Work can be very stressful and tiring. I have to agree with the general consensus of you taking care of yourself. Have you thought of maybe taking a few days off to relax and do things you enjoy? I might just give you the energy boost you need to refresh yourself. Good luck!

Monday 18 September 2006 - 08:43PM (EEST)

I have been very tired lately too, no one understands just how much I have earned, and yet have not been paid for

Monday 18 September 2006 - 01:52PM (EDT)

I know the feeling...Sometimes, don't you think we do so very much for others, that we are the ones that end up feeling worse because we get so tired and worn out from "trying" so very hard at everything and working at "pleasing all of the people all of the time" We need to step out of things, and look in at the situations, recharge the batteries, then go in again...You are so often on my mind....Take Care

Monday 18 September 2006 - 07:14PM (BST)

Homer Simpson quotes

You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on.

Trying is the first step towards failure.

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman

Know you like Homer, Marty, hope his view gives you a lift

Monday 18 September 2006 - 11:22AM (PDT)

Marty, when you are all tried out and have nothing more to give.....it's time to move on.
You've been thinking about it for some time, now perhaps it's time to do it.
If what you are doing no longer rewards you mentally, morally, financially, whatever.....move on to something new that will.

Monday 18 September 2006 - 07:44PM (BST)

I agree maybe it time to try something new, at the very least I think you need to take a few days break and think things over seriously away from the pressures of your job, it sounds to me as though it is sucking the life out of you. You need to thin of your self Marty, I know you like to think of others and to take care of others but no one will be cared for or looked after if Marty is broken will they, dont let Marty get broken please mate.

Monday 18 September 2006 - 08:14PM (BST)

Hi Marty, Sorry to hear that you are so weary of a lot of things, but that is a very strong reason why you should take care of yourself now. Well, you know, nurse yourself back to happiness and vigour. Then you will find some new fulfilling ways to live.
Love, EC

Monday 18 September 2006 - 10:20PM (CEST)

Marty it is so easy to get burned out in this job believe me I know.....And no matter which way you look at it babe, your first loyalties and responsibilities should be to yourself and your family..face it what good would you be to your family should you be the next to break down..
You are a kind generous and loving man I feel that from your blogs, so save yourself, do some soul searching and move on to what makes you happy .... And remember the people you work with will take all you have to give and move on without a second thought....xxx

Monday 18 September 2006 - 09:38PM (BST)

sounds to me like it's time somebody took a holiday, some time where you 'try' to do nothing more than think about yourself and maybe, just a little bit, your family

Monday 18 September 2006 - 10:41PM (BST)

This too shall pass. Hang in there.... :)

Monday 18 September 2006 - 02:44PM (PDT)

Sounds like you tried everything.....but did you try praying?

Monday 18 September 2006 - 02:48PM (PDT)

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SexcW.... Yeah, praying is something I'm back to more now. I'm getting a calling to move on I think. Can't do that till I find it.

Thanks Sab.... It will pass I know, but right now I'm in the midst of the storm and its draining.... I need patience.

Hi Viv.... Just had a 3 week break... although we didn't actually go away anywhere... Coming back to work and feeling like this indicates to me I need to do something.

Elle.... I sense you understand because you have been there. I've campaigned for ethical supervision (therapy) but its fallen on deaf ears. My experience tells me to find my own therapy now..

EC.... Taking care of myself is what I want to do... but thats kinda hard because I worried about others and my collegues and what they may think of me.... I know that is so damn irrational..

Kev... I think you know only too well... I feel you a guy "of kin" with me. Like I said.... I need to find the therapy now...

Mitch... Yup.... you further confirm me feelings.. Find summut different thats a fresh challenge.... when the time is right.

Dogged Christian.... You got the nail on the head... This makes me smile. I love the Simpsons so much. This humour helps me to see the funny side of the most desperate situations. Its a kind of pathos that is endearing!

Sharron... Thank you sweetness.... You kindness touches my heart.

Bella... I think you and me are a kin in this issue...

Jamie..... The rest has been had... now is the time for real consideration for me.

Manz.... I think the "want" has got up and left the biulding for a while...

Quack, Rainy and dormouse... its been private messages a phone calls with you guys.... so I need not say more.....

All... Thank you for being around for me... I'm still about and intend to remain so. I love you all for reading what I have said. It means so much to me...Just reading tonight has lifted me... Marty xx

Monday 18 September 2006 - 11:52PM (BST)

Hey Marty! Sorry you have so much problem at work!! Agree with everyone else that you need to take care of you. You are always taking care of everyone else and worrying that they will not be happy with you. Not good! Need to worry about what makes you feel good and what makes YOU happy. Take Care my dear. Have a better Tuesday!! Big Hugs! Love ya!

Monday 18 September 2006 - 09:18PM (MDT)

Hi,Marty,
I have a strong feeling that you are the right man many ladies would fall in love with, you are so considerate, tender and humble,in a word, you are trying to do everything for the others, even though you may tired out for it, at the same time you gain a lot , and they are valuable. Love you!
Jane

Tuesday 19 September 2006 - 04:21PM (CST)

If you have tried that means you are a 'do~er', thats a good quality to have, we are tested all the time it wouldn't be life if we all just got it easy, stay strong hun, hugs xx

Tuesday 19 September 2006 - 11:38AM (BST)

Trying times... faith alone helps.

Tuesday 19 September 2006 - 09:26PM (IST)

Marty... sometimes it seems that nothing we do is ever enough. take some time for you somehow. have you been running lately? you can clear your head and work things out. It leaves you mentally stronger and more able to cope. Go at least twice a week. I'd come with you if i lived nearer! Put those running shoes on NOW and head out the door......take care.

Tuesday 19 September 2006 - 08:12PM (BST)

I hope the mountains help you Marty! Where is it?

Tuesday 19 September 2006 - 09:47PM (CEST)

I've got nothing to add to all the warm thoughts already expressed.

Have faith in yourself and the rest will work itself out.

Tuesday 19 September 2006 - 03:33PM (CDT)

The squeaky wheel gets the oil.. sound like hon you are the squeeky wheel and it is time to oil you! Time to take a time out, tend to your own maintence, if you feel the same way after a time out, it is time to move on! You may have simply outgrew the position.. :) When one door closes, another one opens! :)

Tuesday 19 September 2006 - 04:19PM (CDT)

Hun at least you tried...Most people dont dare try anymore. Take pleasure in knowing you gave it your all, you did the best..As each parent tells their children... DO your best and try with all you are, If you do that.... I'm proud of you.. The struggles you have been thru lately..Noone expects your best, yet you still give it.. I'm proud of you!!! YOu do need to take a long weekend or so, recoup, recover, chill and reflect, then carry on.. We have faith in you ( BIG HUG)

Wednesday 20 September 2006 - 06:21AM (CDT)

After the day I've had, I sympathise, my friend. I know where your coming from. I feel the vibe:)
Nik

Wednesday 20 September 2006 - 06:01PM (PDT)

Journalism

The picture (sorry its a bit dark) is of the stenciling Christine has been doing in the girls room. She finished it yesterday and I'm really impressed with it. Chris cut her own stencil based on a design from a book. This sort of decorating seems to have gone out of fashion recently.
This first thing I did here this morning was to comment on Mitch's blog about you tube. It caused me my to "tangent" off into journalism and a report I saw on the new recently about blogging. Blogging has become the new media. A leading editor (I think it was Piers Morgan) stated that there was a time when journalist had a closed shop. To be a jounalist was a specialist job and not something everyone could do. He then acknowledged that the secret is out now. Anyone can do it and be successful at it ie blogging. As a result, major newspapers (such as The Guardian) have their journalists blogging on their site in a (if you can't beat them, join them) kind of way. Written media has now become interactive. WE are now the media. Human stories, world events. on the ground reporting getting the story behind the story, human interest, comedy, reviews, competitions, sport, recipe's, politics, enviromental issues, religion, entertainment, theatre, quizzes, etc. etc.

Has blogging signed the death knell of traditional newspaper journalism? I guess they are adapting to survive. At least blogging brings in a broader opinion than just the opinion of a few.


Now the scribble.....

An Accident

I remember waking up crying. The first thing I saw was green canvas. I didn’t know why I was crying. I didn’t even know where I was, but my head hurt bad!

This episode occurred at my junior school when I was, I think about 8 or 9 years old. St Saviours School in Westgate was, in those days, an old-fashioned fairly traditional style building with a school yard and (what appeared to be) an ancient wall surrounding the school yard. I remember the wall being made of bricks and (sort of) craggy rocks. I guess rocks like that these days would have been smoothed over due to being identified as a health and safety risk. The school has a new building now in the field across the road and the old school has been converted into dwellings. The old timber classrooms have now been knocked down and replaced with quaint and stylish cottages. In those days we used to play games with marbles. I can remember rolling the marbles round the ridges of the drain in the centre of the yard with other lads. I seem to remember that we made up some kind of game out of it. The girls played games such as “jacks” comprising a rubber ball and sort of 3 dimensional crosses about half an inch square. Sometimes we would run around the school yard playing chasing games; acting out perhaps world war II fighter planes or cowboys and Indians.

This is one day that I have no memory of going to school, getting out of bed even! Maybe I’d been playing marbles round that little drain. Maybe I’d been knocked against that craggy wall. I was told on that day as I came round that another child had run into me and knocked me over. I’d hit my head so hard, I had suffered concussion. I’d been carried into the lobby outside our headmasters office and put on a kind of camp bed made of green canvas. My parent had been called and they came to collect me to take be home. My head hurt for the rest of the day, but I don’t ever remember having a bump on it. I was told I might be sick later that day, and sure enough I was. Funnily enough, I’d not been taken to hospital or the doctors. At least I don’t remember so. Again, these days I suspect this would be done as a matter of course. I do sometimes wonder though, whether this little accident had caused me to sometimes suffer with short term memory loss. I think that is unlikely really but then again I suppose it could have been possible. Its strange what little life episodes remain with you though……

The video today is one that raises my spirits. Rumour has it Stevie Wonder played the mouth organ bit at the end...

Comments

(9 total)

so, what are you saying, in your scribble, that you been a head banger from waaaaaaaaay back?lol.
My knock out blow occured on the footy field. My dad had advised I take up soccer as it wasntconsidered a voilent game.......until I got clouted......lmao

Sunday 17 September 2006 - 07:12AM (PDT)

Love the stencilling, I'm never a great one to follow in fashions, I have stencilling in my kitchen. I rember 'Jacks' very well, and the boys all played cowboys and indians too when I was at school. I think as well, that if we were to go back to those time, the health and safety authorities would have an absolute field day, but thats what's made us the way we are, we learned that things hurt, and we got dirty, and didnt suffer too much from not having anibacterial handwashes and antibac cleaners etc. I sometimes think that times have changed but not always for the better on some things....

Sunday 17 September 2006 - 03:22PM (BST)

Ooooo yeah, Ooooo yeah, Ooooo yeah... I like this song/video too. That is one talented angel. LOL

Sunday 17 September 2006 - 12:02PM (CDT)

Nice blog Marty, I dont think newspapers are anywhere near going out of business but I do agree as people can be their own journalists the they are gonna have to adapt.

Sunday 17 September 2006 - 10:50PM (BST)

Memory is a funny thing. Well, mine is anyway!! I can remember in great detail things which happened when I was young (a long time ago lol) and yet I can go to the shops for two items and come back having forgotten one of them. Premature senility perhaps?
Thanks for the link to my blog and your comment on it. I was hoping that particular subject would spark off a debate but the response was a little muted.

Sunday 17 September 2006 - 11:45PM (BST)

By the way, glad you liked the vid I found of the Colonel's long-lost older brother. I am currently on the trail of a couple of other relatives of his. More news shortly........

Sunday 17 September 2006 - 11:47PM (BST)

1. You have a talented wife.
2. Great observations on the power of bloggers and levelling the playing fields in terms of what gets spoken and who gets heard.

Your scribble reminds me of the time I tried to jump into a pool backwards when I was 8. I hit my chin on the edge of the pool and was knocked unconscious. Hmmm. That might explain a lot of things...

Monday 18 September 2006 - 12:14AM (EDT)

I agree with Sharron, School days were really good years ago and the kids of today are missing out on so much and yes Christine is quite gifted - the stensil are good.

Monday 18 September 2006 - 05:28PM (BST)

I think newspapers should get out of the business of "opinion" and get back to hard journalism. Digging for stories and using the access that we dont have to leaders etc I think should be the job of print media. Let us have the opinions, let them get back to facts. Maybe we wouldn't be in such a mess now if that was the case.

Tuesday 19 September 2006 - 03:37PM (CDT