Love

Memories of the last night in Germany with folk full of love.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal"

I've never managed tongues and percussion is not something I'm able to play.....

"If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing."

I'm certainly not clever and my faith is weak....

"If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."

I can't give all I have, I'm need for myself. I can't take the heat.....

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."

These I struggle with.....

"It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. "

I desire so much to leave behind those wrongs from the past.....


"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

Oh how I desire to much to rejoice always.....

"Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Love is what I want to give, but right now, its what I need.......

Falling over

Things have taken a turn for the worse on the depression front.
I returned to work yesterday. It was far harder than I expected and took a lot out of me. Today was just too much and I came away within an hour. Gonna try and get back to the doctor on Monday. It's not been for the want of trying. I just hope and pray the meds kick in soon.

Marty

An unexpected surprise - customer service

The picture was taken in Torquay by myself early on Monday morning when I managed to get out for a run.

A few weeks ago I ordered some sheet music from USA. I've been patiently waiting for it to arrive each day to no avail. Today I decided to send a message to the merchant inquiring about the status that has been listed "pending". With a couple of hours I received an apologetic reply stating that there was a problem with their online ordering system causing them to run out of stock. Apparently, somebody was supposed to inform me about this but failed to do so. News is that it was dispatched last Friday and should be with me very shortly. I was offered a $20 gift voucher as a goodwill gesture, which I have accepted. Now with all the problems I've experienced with customer service departments recently (like the "talk talk" one) its encouraging to actually get a response that is absolutely appropriate. It doesn't take much. I will now definitely order more music from the site (had thought about it anyway). I can accept that errors are made, but getting a swift and appropriate response makes for definite loyal custom. Well done Justforbrass.com

I return to work tomorrow. I'm still not feeling 100% and I've still had some episodes of anxiety today. They have been less panic and more on the depressed side. Again, these are episodes that cause me real distress while they are happening. Right now, I'm ok, but there's no knowing when the next attack will occur. I was going to go out to band tonight, but chose not to this time. I've done enough confronting demons in the last few days and feel like a rest from it.... just tonight anyway.

The Wanderer Returns

I just thought I'd jot down a few lines having just got back from a short break to try and sort out the mess that's been going on in my head.
I took a ride down to Fareham to visit an old friend. I also took the chance to meet for a coffee with fellow blogger Steph... just for an hour or so. It's great to meet up with folk that you first get contact with online. Steph has been a great support to me in times like these. A listening ear.
On Sunday I then went on down to Torquay to meet with the band folk I went to Germany with. I had a great welcome and was well looked after. That was certainly needed bearing in mind I'm particularly fragile at the moment. This little time away was kinda experimental, just to see how I'd cope. It's all too easy to shrink with the anxiety, so I made this a personal challenge to face some demons. It wasn't easy by any means and I very nearly came home on Saturday evening after feeling particularly unwell Saturday afternoon. In the end, I just pulled myself together and managed to get out and play with Woodfalls Concert Band on Saturday evening. (It was a last minute invite because they were short of a trombone player).

I think the break has done me good. I don't feel quite so negative about work now, although I still feel pretty fragile. I have to go back to work on Thursday because doc won't sign me off any longer. No surprising really considering TV news at the weekend stating that there is going to be a benefits shake up. Still, it's just a case of getting on with it now. I'm just going to take it one day at a time.